#sorry folks you have to have sad grant again

[inastarlesssky]

More Dreamuse thoughts because I had some realizations I came to. This scene is living rent-free in my head and I've just had some thoughts so have this is in mind, k?

Dream: The last time I saw you, you said you would never speak to me again. Calliope: I'm sorry, I had I did not know where else to turn. Dream: You misunderstand me. [steps ever so slightly closer to her] When I heard you call to me, even after all this time...let me help you. Please.

So because of a recent fixation upon The Sandman Netflix series, and after watching the series all the way through, I've started thinking about Dream of the Endless and turning over in my head the little details one can pick up on while watching the episodes. Just personally, I tend to think (a little too much probably) on things but when something catches my attention, well, all the more so.

That being said, in the first few episodes, I observed that Dream's reactions or emotional responses weren't...hm very strong, per se. Or rather, he might not always have shown on his face the emotion you can clearly hear in his voice. I thought that was really interesting because, well, as human beings, if someone's angry/sad/hurt, you will more often than not see that in a facial expression (granted, of course, people are different, and some are more expressive than others....I'm not trying to make a universal statement here, just making comparisons). Note that Dream of the Endless is not human. He is an anthropomorphic entity that according to Tom Sturridge is basically (damnit I can't remember how Tom said it in the interview) the collective unconsciousness of the world--dreams and dreaming and all that.

He's not human. Which means he will, accordingly, react to and perceive and experience things in ways different to us human beings. Keep that in mind.

It seemed to me a little subtle reminder to me of exactly that, he's not human. He's distant in a way. He definitely does still feel things, very strongly sometimes even. But his way of expression is different. Anyway, I digress.

So on a lovely server I just joined, I posed this question and the folks there pointed out that it's true, Dream doesn't necessarily vocalize an emotional response, but if it's very strong or boils over, then yes. Now I take 'vocalize an emotional response' in two ways:

saying "I feel [angry/sad/frustrated/insert whatever emotion]"

Showing in a change of the tone of voice or making some sort of comment that will give insight related to said emotional response

I've never seen him do the first and we shouldn't, because that doesn't make for very good storytelling. The showing is more frequently better than the telling, I believe. But I want to draw your attention to the second point, and most specifically to that scene when he's talking to Calliope shortly before he ruins Arthur Madoc's life.

She tells him about her plight, and he responds by saying he'll take care of everything she's asked him to, basically. She frowns at this and asks him, "Why? Because I was once yours?" He answers with a quiet, "Because he hurt you" and then continues with the quote I put at the beginning of this spiel.

"The last time I saw you, you said you would never speak to me again." - Maybe it's just me, maybe I'm imagining things. But I could have sworn I noticed a little, almost imperceptible change in his tone when he delivered this line. Without knowing any of the history they had (I know a little bit more now than I did then... but in that moment, no), I could tell that this was something painful for him. Something he'd been hurt by. (I know that it's all just 'poor Morpheus', they both suffered, and they were both hurt, and I could go off on a whole 'nother thing for that)

But my point is that, he's hurt. He mentions this to her, not directly telling her that, but reminding her of what she'd said to him so many years ago. Something that wounded him. Despite that, he has willingly and most readily come to her assistance when she called him.

That's it. Just offering that up for consideration.

[thisbelongsto-nohbodys]

I have an idea for my fanfic about having the Boonchuy go with their daughter to Amphibia during the latter part of S3 (like Camila did with Luz), explaining it as "if you're trapped there again, at least we'll be all together." What do you think of it?

that'd b neat.

Mr and Mrs Boonchuy learning how much Anne is loved by the Wartwoodians, how much of a capable fighter she is, the threat of Andrias and the Core, seeing the giant beasts and bugs, Recruiting more folks for the invasion, etc etc. What kind of roles would they play? Granted the question then is do they stay on earth after Frogvasion or do they come with and watch their daughter die and become leaves and then get reborn.

(and because of shipping, Mr and Mrs B would she how Sasha changed and how her and Anne's relationship changed and tease her about it. "So, Sasha sure has changed, huh?" "Yeah, she's a lot less bossy and selfish. She's more open to feedback and there's no trace of manipulation or hidden motives. This feels like a new Sasha...and I think I like it." "You know, sweetie, if you want, your father, the Plantars and I can keep an eye on your two's commander thing with that Toad-Dad person of Sasha's if you and her wanna go on a quick date." "Pffft- WHAT!!!?? A date?! Me and Sasha?! W-what are you talking about?!!??" "Oh comeon Anne. We see how you two are around each other now, the lingering hugs and touches, the longing looks, the smiles and blushes. It's okay if you want to date Sasha. Especially now that she's changed, if she was still like her old self then we'd be against it 100%" "b-b-but" "Honestly we figured it'd either be her or Marcy" "Long shot was both of them." "I can't believe what I'm hearing, can you?" "We kinda figured you were dating already but were going through a rough patch" "Hop Pop?" "Yeah, I figured it out by the 3rd time you punched me for asking if you had a boyfriend-" *punch* "like that" "sorry... but you guys are all crazy. There's no way Sasha and I would date because she doesn't like me like that." "She does." "Grime?!?" "She wrote so many songs about you...they were sad apology songs that were kinda also love songs...she made the snails sad" "I'm going for a walk, you 6 get this idea of me and Sasha out of your heads because she'd never date me-er, I mean, we're just friends!")

[daemon-in-my-head]

Lots of questions about your OC. You say he's the son of a bard. Does he have any favorite music genres? Does he play any instruments? What's his character class? I'm a huge fan of names and their various meanings, so seeing that he's had a lot of thought put into his got me excited, sorry. Does he bother even trying to carry around that cursed sword, or does he ditch it somewhere lmao. Is he the kind of durge that embraces the urge, or tries to ignore it? How does that impact his close relationships? Romantic or otherwise.

Lmao lots of questions, thank u anon!

About the kid of a bard: Tavern music-esque stuff in terms of genre. Shanties, folk, just stuff you'd hear a tavern bard perform. Though he also likes actual dance music such as waltzes. He can't play an instrument to save his life though, the strings hurt his poor little fingers (which is valid). He is acrobatic however and knows how to handle his body, so he enjoys dancing. Did work as a dancer for a while in Calimshan in-between the urge awakening and entering the cult.

As for class he's a Sorcadin. Divine sorcery turned Shadow sorcery and an oath of Conquest. Thought he's primarily using his spells and his oath is 9/10 times broken. The crushing hope bit unfortunately requires granting hope first, such a shame.

He kept the sword with him but he never attuned to it nor used it a lot, he much prefers daggers or short swords. He could use it since he never attuned, so he wouldn't be driven mad immediately, but he's mainly just afraid of damaging the few possessions he has left from better times. Also he's mad already anyway soooooo

He very much goes by the philosophy of 'Bhaal allows you to choose your battles, as long as you pick them.' He does enjoy killing and he has an incredibly twisted sense of mercy. My guy considers death to be a blessing (thanks to his surroundings) and he personally loves to gift people 'hope' before ending their lives prematurely, kind of gets a deranged kick out of ending people when they're the happiest since that way its a mercy cuz they'll never feel sad again. His assasin gig is rly just a job though, the sacrifices for Bhaal is where the fun's at. And since he does abide by the rules of Bhaalspawn the urge doesn't impact his relationships a lot, but there was an instance where daddy dearest had a shitty day and Gortash nearly got gutted.

As for relationships, besides Gortash he's only really ""close"" (very loose usage of that word) with Orin, Ketheric, Sarevok, Scel and his dog hound of ill omen. Pretty much everyone else he's ever had a noteworthy relationship with is either dead or missing.

[all-or-nothing-baby]

i've said similar before (as have countless others on here before me) but i'm taking a moment to say this again:

IT'S OKAY TO LIKE MEAN/BAD/HORRIBLE AND EVEN JUST DOWNRIGHT PURE EVIL CHARACTERS

and i think it's wildly stating the obvious to say the following but apparently there are still some folks who need to hear it:

CHARACTERS AND THE STORIES THAT THEY'RE FROM ARE NOT REAL; THEY ARE ALL MADE UP BECAUSE STORIES ARE MAKE-BELIEVE AND CRAFTED FOR OUR ENTERTAINMENT

irl, i seriously dislike mean people. i despise bullies. i can't think of anything worse than a person who does 'evil' deeds to others and enjoys it. granted, i can at times end up feeling sorry for some of these arseholes bc a lot of the time there are genuine reasons for their poor behaviour; sadness/trauma/mental illness/etc. but that isn't me dismissing that behaviour, i'm just trying to have some understanding and empathy for their suffering because it's clear that it's effecting their humanity, y'know? it's often a sad reality, but does not mean i would excuse a person treating others badly.

STORIES ARE NOT REALITY

the characters from the books/tv show/movie/play/podcast etc that you like are not real. they are dreamt up to help us learn lessons from a young age, to make us laugh at their stupidity, to help us see that those who have found themselves on a dark path are mostly there because something terrible happened to them. these characters are brought to life for us in sometimes terrible forms—those truly dreadful villains—to help us work vicariously through emotions we all suffer with from time to time, the irrational feelings we can have of revenge or world domination lol. there is anger that we, as a race, all have to deal with, intrusive thoughts that we all sometimes struggle with. when we feel ourselves wanting the badguys in the movies to win, it can help us to manage these kinds of real life feelings we suffer, and it might mean we can learn how to deal better.

it's like wanting to punch someone. i would personally never actually want to do that—but occasionally as humans we might feel like we want to.

DOING THINGS LIKE USING A PUNCHBAG OR AGGRESSIVELY CHOPPING WOOD CAN BE THE SAME KIND OF REPLACEMENT ACTIVITY AS ENJOYING A MORALLY BAD CHARACTER. IT IS TAKING A FEELING AND RELEASING IT SAFELY WITHOUT DOING ANYBODY ANY ACTUAL HARM

also, none of us are perfect creatures! none of us. liking a bad or morally grey character can sometimes be because you might see some of their toxic traits in yourself, and feel better about the fact that even though you have faults, at least you're not as bad as they are. or maybe you know somebody like the character, someone who—even though their actions are wrong and you don't agree with them—has had a terrible life and you have some understanding of why they behave in the way they do. maybe the character helps you understand that person more and have more empathy for them and others like them?

AND SOMETIMES BAD GUYS ARE JUST GOOD FUN

baddies get to do the things we sometimes wish we could! who doesn't occasionally wish they could do a michael douglas d-fens in falling down?! or have the whole world kneel at their feet as loki does?! or be so be clever and cunning you can get away with any criminal plan you damn well choose like james moriarty?!

even the 'pure evil' characters in media are written so that we love to hate them, otherwise we wouldn't care about what happens to them, and caring about the story and it's characters is the whole point. and even if you just wholeheartedly love them—like you completely adore those vile bastards, regardless of all their evil deeds—that's okay! they're not real. just because you enjoy a character like hannibal lecter doesn't necessarily mean you want to murder and eat people, you just like a character who does terrible things because they have been written to be liked.

IT IS ENTIRELY NORMAL TO BE ENVIOUS OF AND/OR SIMPLY ENJOY A VILLAIN, BECAUSE THERE ARE SHADOWS AND REFLECTIONS OF OURSELVES, ALL OF US, HOWEVER BIG OR SMALL, IN EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM

so, the paramount thing to remember is:

VILLAINS AND BADDIES AND MEANIES IN MEDIA ARE! NOT! REAL! THEY ARE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS AND IT IS ABSOLUTELY FINE TO ENJOY THEM BECAUSE THAT IS THE VERY THING THEY WERE CREATED FOR

anyway, thank you for coming to my ted — *gets shot by the bad guy*

[aconflagrationofmyown]

Marina, my darling! How are you?

I'm so terribly sorry for having dissappeared once again. Life has been a bit crazy for the past few months but thankfully everything has worked out and I'm in a much better place.

Nevertheless, I was not without my E and the wonderful people that I have encountered here (I' ve started reading other amazing creations and I could not be happier)

But as always, your work is my safe place and I was delighted to discover a new creation in the world of Gigi (Am I biased due to my long love for Laetita Casta? Yes, Yes I am).

The three installments that you've written so far left me with the biggest smile on my face. I love, love, love Gigi. Her carefree adoration for E in his most vulnerable, her honesty, her joy for life. That was just what our boy needed and I'm delighted that in some way or another, he is getting it.

As always, the idea of the what if...? with E is heartbreaking, so much could have been different, so much could have happened. But this space that you have all created does alleviate that pain. I can read about my favourite person being in love, happy, sad or angry but always written by those who love him and appreciate him as much as I do.

It is a wonderful gift that you have all given me and I do not take it for granted.

Thank you for everything Marina, I'm so happy to have embarked in this adventure with you all.

All the love, as always. Cami.

Oh my darling Cami! Thank you for this, I’m delighted and so sorry this languished for so long as I was out of the country and neglecting my inbox! What a treat to return to, you’re always the most profuse and detailed encourager and my heart can barely take it. We’ve an embarrassment of riches in this fandom, so many talented folks with beautiful hearts and touching insight into both Elvis and human nature in general; I’m delighted you’re discovering more.

Thank you and I love you.

[angels-heap]

I wanted to say that I got around to reading It's Only Natural and I just once again wanted to compliment you on your writing and your characterization. I assume it must not be easy to give personality or write dialogue for a character who has never spoken but you seriously just do it so well, including for really minor characters like Lauren and Azian in their appearances. I absolutely loved Gordon and Barney in the story, and lesbian Lauren was just great. As a lesbian myself I also have to say it was very interesting reading about the thing with Subaru, thank you for including that, heh :) But I can tell I’m not going to be ready for that final chapter!!

Thank you!!! 🥰 This ask made my entire day and you have no idea how much of a relief it is to hear that my characterization is actually coherent and interesting outside of my brain. Most HL characters are so underdeveloped/nonexistent in canon that they're basically OCs, so I was excited to give myself an excuse to flesh them out a bit. (Also, on a related note, freehoun Gordon and freemance Gordon are two completely different characters to me. Not sure if this is a universal experience.)

Glad you got a kick out of lesbian Lauren and the Subaru thing! One of my IRL friend groups (which features a disproportionate number of Subaru owners – yes, for that reason) has a ton of running jokes about this and I was recently surprised to find out that most people do not know that Subarus are lesbian cars (on purpose! there was a whole targeted ad campaign!), so I felt like I had to sneak that in there and educate the masses.

Again, sorry in advance for the final chapter. 😔 Granted, it's possible that I've been overhyping how sad it will be because I've been making myself sad about it for four years now, but it's still worth noting that the first five chapters literally only exist to provide context to make the last chapter as sad as possible. I started there and worked backwards. As soon as my job stops eating up all my free time, it's over, folks.

[matan4il]

hello alice! it’s miya here & yes it’s been a hot minute since i’ve been in your ask box! i recently just had 3 surgeries that were basically two in my nose & then i had to get my tonsils out again so i’ve essentially been recovering from that & not in the mood to talk mostly. I do however hope all has been well with you.

since the finale is right around the corner, I wanted to talk to you about buck’s growth this season. we know in the beginning that buck was upset about not getting picked as interim captain despite the fact that he was not clearly ready, the couch theory & how actually death experiences can reset all the progress you’ve made.

i’ve see a lot of folks saying buck has regressed back into old habits & i’d say that’s not true. Buck agreeing to be a donor in the beginning was something he did because he’s buck but the influence around him saying yes was mainly what connor said to him about him being such a good person & what not. now after he dies buck realized he can’t live based off of how others see him & make decisions solely off of that which is why things quickly ended with natalia. i thought it was funny how she said she needed a minute to think & not 10 seconds later she left 😭. Buck didn’t necessarily chase after her for the sake of getting her back but i think he wanted her so badly to understand & it’s like there is already someone in his life who understands & sees him for who he really is and that’s eddie. it’s hard to see someone who buck may feel like kinda has to accept him for all he is cause that’s his best friend as a potential partner but i think there is a possibility we might see that in the finale.

we know the entire 118 is in danger, now granted we have no idea what that means & since we logically only have 45 minutes to tell this story, there is a possibility of things not being completely wrapped up. i wanted to also point out that the only two people (technically 3 if you count chris) who know that buck does not have a couch is Bobby & Eddie. two important people in his life who buck would quite literally lay his life down for. Buck told eddie that “maybe he does not want to pick the wrong couch again” & then he later on told bobby that “im afraid im gonna keep on making the same mistakes” it’s clear buck wants to go about things differently but it’s a matter of how?

i think he was on his way there but then he died and suddenly life got confusing for him. sometimes i think people downplay the fact that buck’s heart stopped & how he genuinely felt like he got away with something when he woke up in the hospital. of course he is going to go around making the most of life. now the way he goes about it may not be the way we want it to happen but it does make sense for bucks character. he wants to treat every waking moment as a gift & that’s things are a sign cause he feels like he’ll never get that lucky again & that’s ultimately very sad.

i think we’ll definitely see buck in s more bigger leadership position next monday however the biggest difference is that his team will be a witness. his team doesn’t know how buck took charge when the tsunami happened or how he saved eddie’s life during the shooting & i’m still on the fence of if eddie knows that. i hope they see what he���s capable of but I hope buck see’s that he’s already had these skills in him it was just a matter of tapping into them.

the couch theory idk.. they have been making it a point to show buck, chris on the couch & then chris and eddie with a space open for one more as if we wouldn’t notice but idk we will see. maybe buck takes eddie home after everything & he falls asleep on the couch after putting chris to bed & everything kinds of falls into place

anyways sorry for my rambling. i have had all of this on my mind for a while lol but again I hope all is well with yous and that life has been treating you good. ❤️

Hi darling! OMG, 3 surgeries? That's so much, especially over such a short period of time. I hope you're doing better now? And thank you for the kind words and for caring. I'm not doing so hot at the moment, but hoping it'll get better. *HUGS*

TBH, I'm not sure what I think. I do expect the finale not to wrap everything up, because they have so many balls they've been juggling up in the air, the bridge collapse will take up a huge part of the ep, so I really don't know how much they can condense into this and address all of the threads that they opened this season. I do absolutely expect that there will be circles that they'll be closing, like Buck moving from feeling dejected over not being considered for the position of interim captain in 601, to acting as captain in the field when the 118 (with Bobby) goes down. And since 601 linked Buck figuring his own life out enough to be able to take this position by linking to the metaphor of the couch, I very much expect to see some return to that, although all may not be resolved in 618. Kind of like how 414 gave us the talk between Buddie to resolve Buck's immediate sense of guilt over seeing Eddie getting shot in front of his very eyes, but it didn't resolve the "make sure you follow your heart" thread that was opened in 413. Eddie still needed to go through it at the beginning of s5 in order to choose himself and be able to break up with Ana in 503. Similarly, Buck was just starting things out with Taylor in 414, and he needed all of s5 to break up with her, even though it was clear they were wrong for each other from the start, and especially as their first kiss was born from Buck's distress over Eddie getting shot in front of his own eyes.

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me! I'm looking forward to screaming over 618 with you once it airs! Sending tons of love and good healing vibes to you, lovely. (as always, here's my ask tag) xoxox

[theboarsbride]

Hello! Dotr-rose-love here. I'm on chapter 6 of The Monster and the Butterfly and I have a question cause well...I don't think I've got this right. So Sophie takes care of her father and Adam. Does Sophie's brother contribute to that in any way? I know they are both poor but it wasn't mentioned when he went to get her from work. Also, he comes back from work and doesn't help at home? And then has the nerve to tell his sister to go become a stranger's gardener for the sake of Adam? From what I understand it's Sophie and Gertrude doing everything at home. Also i didn't get Gertrude's relationship with the siblings. And I must be forgetting Adam's cause I read the first 2 chapters a while ago so I'm sorry to ask that you clarify that for me again.

Questions aside, I think it's really great to see the pain of departure and the fear in Sophie because, in most versions of Beauty and the Beast I've watched, they make Belle's departure very quick, like seconds long, even though it has so much importance. They all focus on the romance a lot, not giving much weight to the sacrifice she made. Granted, those versions were all children's movies so, such things maybe should have been avoided, but with movies like Lion King or Spirited Away or The Hunchback of Notre Damme being addressed to kids, I think a little more screentime on Belle's departure and her feelings wouldn't have been the end of the world, nor are unnecessary to be disregarded.

AAA I'm sorry for any confusion!!!!!! Im always more than happy to clarify (and am grateful for your honesty with these comments!! It helps me realize where I can improve with characterization and plotting!^^).

So Thomas doesn't really do much to help out domestically, and feels like him working is him doing his part in the family - he doesnt feel it necessary to help with domesticity or caring for their father, not the same way the sisters do. He isn't necessarily a BAD person, but he's just lowkey selfish and greedy. Trauma makes him selfish, makes Gertrude stingy, and makes Sophie angry.

And in terms of familial relationships!! Gertrude is sort of the 'middle' child of the Wickes family. The sibling order goes Mildred, Gertrude, and Thomas and Sophie (who are twins). Adam is the sole surviving child of Mildred, who was a sex worker that passed because of Cholera. (Though this detail I look to change in a future draft where she dies of a venereal disease); so he is the siblings' nephew.

And thanks!! I really hope to make this story feel emotional! Like, not a sad, dramatic story, but I hope it have its emotional moments or themes that resonate with folks!

But thank you for reading, and thank you for taking the time to send me a comment!! It really means a lot!!!❤

[holocene-sims]

next // previous

june 10, 2021 11:00 a.m. grant's house

grant knew the day would come sooner or later but he’s nonetheless filled with immense dread when he returns from the gym–part of his attempts to drag himself back into his old normal routine again–and discovers päivi waiting on the couch, attention buried in her phone, with her suitcases shoved in the corner by the door and her hair curiously restored to its natural platinum tone. she hears him enter and spins around to gander at him, but their eyes linger on each other for only a moment. she turns away, almost shunning him, and he just sighs with a queasy stomach and a crushed mood as he's consumed by the reality unfolding around him.

he wanted this day to come–and still does–and yet he’d sell his soul to say goodbye without needing to look her in the face and watch her walk out of the house and out of his life. easier would it be if she vanished without a trace in the middle of the night.

easier, yes, but improper.

“i could drive you to the airport. if you’d like.”

päivi watches him cautiously as he sits beside her. her face falls.

“it’s okay. i'm getting an uber. they’ll be here soon. i think.” she says, frowning and crossing her arms across her chest, drawing further into her shrunken posture and away from him. “and that would make it too hard for me to leave. sorry. but thank you for the offer.”

he waits for a moment, then reluctantly nods, all the while fiddling with the frayed hem of his t-shirt, desperate to relieve the anxious energy growing inside him.

“i hope you understand,” she murmurs, blushing.

“i do,” grant answers, “so, um...i guess this is it.”

“yep.”

“well, good luck. safe travels.”

he then spies the engagement ring still perched upon her pretty, manicured finger. she’s as eaten up with anxiety as he is, busying herself by twisting the ring around and around and around.

“thank you. i wish you the best.” and then the ring comes off, pulled off in one shaky motion. “and, um, you can...have the ring back. if you want.”

“no, no, don’t. it’s...just keep it. or sell it. whatever you want is fine.”

päivi hesitates but slips the ring back on her finger. in the ensuing tension only the soft pitter-patter of rain on the window marks the passage of time.

“right. okay. um. right, yeah, i should…” she glances at the ring, brushing her fingertip over the glimmering jewels, then reaches abruptly for her phone on the coffee table. “you know what, i should go. they’ll probably be here soon.”

“okay.” he watches her stand up and smooth out her outfit, all while a few silent tears well up in his eyes. “sure. um, goodbye.”

he can’t bear to look much longer, so he, too, fixes his mind on the nonsense notifications on his phone screen while she exits. the now months-old email from his master’s advisor stares back up at him and makes him antsy. grant swipes to get rid of it the very moment päivi’s suitcases click against the floor as she readies them for her departure. and then, like a camera flash, she’s gone.

forever.

never to return.

the door shuts behind her, closing out this phase of life, leaving him to pick up the pieces again in a home haunted by a graveyard of futile dreams and memories. he bought this house with his own savings but he’d done it with her, all for their future. it was meant to be a place for them to spend their eternity together, for him to find his footing again after the recent chaos of life, and maybe for the next generation as well. they’d never spoken much about kids, not really, but some part of him believed she and this home would be the foundation of that silly domestic hope he's clung to for so long.

grant’s gaze drifts around the room again as he’s consumed by ghosts and finds that there’s nothing to salvage about this. he’d foolishly believed her absence would solve the hurt. instead, all it’s done is leave the hole in his heart vacant for another set of worries to call home.

she's gone and maybe he handled this as best he could, but in the end, he remains an unemployed and deeply unhappy mess approaching his thirtieth birthday with yet another failed relationship for the books. the dark, poisonous thoughts he'd enthused just weeks ago quickly return, giving him no relief, and he can't help but feel like some cruel curse has shadowed him since the day he was born.

[capturethechaos]

Sam Kiszka x Reader

Words - 906

Warnings - It’s angsty folks

Part 1

a/n - yes I did know I would make myself sad writing this... no that did not stop me from writing it.

To the person I should not have let go of,

I hate trying to articulate how I feel onto paper, you knew better than most how much I preferred to show how I felt. 

Though it seems I held myself back from the one person I never wanted to lose. 

It feels like an eternity has passed since I last saw you, since I’ve had the chance to listen to your intoxicating laughter.

It took one look for me to know you would be my best friend. The little pout on your face as that little girl stole your animal crackers was the first nail box you had created around my heart. Stopping you from throwing her out of the sandbox by the pigtails was the least I could do really, I don’t think you would have accepted my half eaten ham and cheese sandwich as a substitute for your animal crackers. 

You were always there, and I think I took that for granted. I watched the change in the way you looked at me, and took advantage of knowing you had handed me your heart all those years ago. I should have treasured the love you held for me.

I should have told you I held the same love for you.

It’s a bullshit feeling… the feeling that I would have lost you if I had just fallen into you. That somehow it seemed more logical to hold you at arm's length, watching you long for something I wasn’t ready to give you, but gave so willingly, albeit halfheartedly, to others. 

There were so many moments that I wish I could have changed, so many times I wish you had just told me… it felt wrong for me to know so much, and not do anything with the knowledge. I watched you, when you thought I wasn’t paying attention. I saw the notes you wrote, and watched you crumple them up. Hundreds of words unspoken, written out in the single spaced lines of your school notebooks and left to be forgotten at the bottom of your backpack. 

I watched the boys follow you like lost puppies, all hoping for a chance to hold your heart in their hands, but it wasn’t theirs. It had been given away when we were young, when I would sit in your bedroom with you playing house, and hide under your bed when my mom came to tell me it was time to go home.

Was I really that dumb?

Sorry, that’s a rhetorical question, yes, I was in fact that dumb. I had every opportunity to show you that my heart was yours for the taking. I should have asked you to every dance, held your hand on every walk home. 

I was selfish to hope that you would stay, that you would remain a constant for me even after I had stopped doing the same for you. It was selfish to feel possessive of you at prom, watching you get asked to dance by someone that wasn’t me… when I had a date of my own. 

I visited our spot after you left.

I watched your car drive away until I couldn’t see it anymore, and immediately went looking for a place that would make me feel like you were still there. I watched the tattered flag blow in the wind, traced the worn carving of our initials in the bark, and felt like every nail you had secured in my heart was tearing from me the further away you got. 

I felt haunted, you had left a piece of yourself everywhere you stepped, and I spent too long chasing the ghosts of us through that town. 

I buried myself in simple pleasures, wondering if you were falling into the same patterns. If some lucky man got to hear the wonder of your laugh when he told you a shitty joke. If you felt the ghost of my touch when another man held you. 

I agreed to go to that wedding on the off chance that I would catch a glimpse of you. I watched you wipe away tears as you watched the bride and groom exchange vows. The sound of your laughter breaking through the music of the reception felt like a breath of fresh air. 

Seeing you again was like seeing you for the first time. I felt like the kid watching from the slide once again, seeing the pout on your lips as you watched the woman I had accompanied laugh at a joke I had told you more times than I could count. 

I never meant to hurt you.

I wish I could fix all of the cracks I left in your heart. 

I can’t blame you for running that night. I followed you out, watched the woman you had become try to grapple with the feeling of being faced with a ghost of her past. 

I should have said something. I should have done a lot of things, but here we are. I don’t know where you are now. I asked your mom to send you this letter on my behalf, I’m not sure you would have opened it if it had shown up with my name on it. 

You staked your claim on my heart that day in the sandbox, and I’m sorry it took so long for me to realize that it has been yours this whole time. 

Yours always,  Sam

If you’d like to be added to the taglist, send me a dm, ask, or fill out my taglist form! (Some names did not work, so you may need to update or double check if you have previously filled out the taglist form and do not see your name on the list. If you do not see your name, shoot me a dm, maybe we can fix that)

@amouratomique @castlebythesea @sleepingpillsworld @joshkiszkas @celestialfauna @streamsofstardust @lupinevanfleet @garagebandvanfleet @weightofdreams-gvf @silverstormgvf @stardustdanny @the-chaotic-cow @dannythedog @katie-gvf @heatmyfleet @screechesincoherently @trafficwasabitch @fleetsonfire @xserenax-13 @doodle417 @gvfrry @agirlwithmanytastes @b3l1nda @gretavanfleas @brokenbellz @st4rdust-ch0rds @sarakay-gvf @angelbabyivy @basiccortez @s0livagant @eeeloraaa @pardeeinsaginaw @kayleea122 @carlybubs @ryegvf @obetrolncocktails @h-e-l-l-o-s @m1rkw00dpr1ncess @loofypoofy @keighoe @callmebymym @bumblebeeswrite

[writertitan]

Grandfather Clock

pairing: levi x f!reader

word count: 4173

themes: adult f!reader, arranged marriage, multi-part fic, levi is a stubborn asshole at first, no love at first sight here folks

requested by anon

a/n: hi guys! i’ve never done a multi-part fic on Tumblr before, but this fic requested ended up being super long, and i figured it would be fun (and easier) to break into parts! here is part 1!

PART 1

With the parchment clutched in one hand, Levi had only one thought in mind. 

“This is ridiculous.” 

Erwin gazed at him calmly, but Levi knew him well enough to see the hint of sympathy behind those emotionless blue eyes. Sympathy that meant nothing to the shorter man. 

“I’m not doing it.” 

“You’re going to do it, because you must,” Erwin answered smoothly. “We need Lord Reader’s generous funding, and he evidently needs to marry off his daughter. Believe me, Levi, I tried to have it fall on me. The lord didn’t take too kindly to the idea.” 

Levi scoffed, a brow raised. “And he was happier about me?” 

“Humanity’s Strongest is less likely to make a widow out of her,” Erwin explained. 

He had an answer for everything. Levi could tell the commander had come well-prepared for what was sure to be a hard conversation. 

He glanced down at the papers again, detailing the terms for marriage, and he grimaced despite trying desperately to keep an aloof facade. They were practically buying this girl and it was all political. 

“She’s not too young, is she?” Levi asked, voice lower, quieter. 

“Wouldn’t have agreed to a child bride,” Erwin assured him, a hint of a smile on his lips. “I’m not that much of a devil.” 

“Can I meet her first?” Levi sighed, running a hand through his hair. The tightness in his chest wasn’t going to go away anytime soon, and it irritated him to know that. 

“Will it make a difference? You’ve already agreed.” 

“I haven’t.” 

“I know you, Levi. You agreed the moment I asked. And I’m sorry.” 

-----

You glanced at your reflection in the mirror for a final time before straightening up and letting out the shaky breath you’d been holding in. 

Before last month, you’d never been mixed into your father’s business deals. If anything, you tried hard to stay out of his way. As if hiding would make him forget about you, forget that he could use you as a pawn. 

As his daughter, you were born to be married off, most likely to someone of equal status. To say that annoyed you and saddened you would be an understatement. There was no freedom of choice for you, ever. And now here you were, found by your father after a lifetime of hiding from him, to be used for political gain, the very thing you wanted to avoid. 

“Ready?” your mother asked from the doorway. She looked proper, clean, and poised as she stood at your bedroom door, hands neatly clasped in front of her. A very stark difference from how you felt and looked. 

“No,” you admitted. “What if he doesn’t like me?” 

“He probably won’t,” your mother answered, truthful as ever. “Your father and I didn’t like each other when we first met. It comes with time, my darling.”

That didn’t really make you feel better. Like is not the same as love. And, judging from what you’d witnessed over your life, your parents didn’t much love each other. They liked each other well enough, as your mother had said, but didn’t love each other. 

You hadn’t been fretting about if Captain Levi would like you. You’d been fretting that he’d never love you. 

Still, you steeled your nerves and followed your mother out of your room and towards the dining room, where you’d meet your fiance for the first time and get to know each other, and perhaps talk engagement plans throughout the evening. 

You’d heard plenty of rumours about Captain Levi, the overwhelming amount detailing him to be incredibly strong, incredibly small, and incredibly stoic. Now, you’d get to see for yourself. 

Two servant girls opened the double doors for you and your mother and you let her step in first, following behind her like a shy little child. Your heart hammered in your chest as you scanned the room, first spotting the familiar blue eyes that belonged to Commander Erwin, and then stopping when your eyes met a pair of grey ones that held no emotion. 

Captain Levi. 

You gulped. Stoic, check. 

Instantly, you noticed that even sitting down, Erwin looked much bigger than him. 

Small, check. 

Your face grew hot as Commander Erwin and Captain Levi both stood at your arrival, and your gaze turned to your feet when they both nodded their greetings to you. You gave a small curtsy and sat down across from Levi when ushered to your seat, and offered him a small smile. 

He was handsome. Very much so, in fact. His face was angular and quite masculine, and you found yourself taking in his thin brows and neatly combed hair. 

You gave him your name, shuffling nervously in your seat as you followed up with, “It’s very nice to finally meet you, Captain Levi.” 

For a moment, Levi said nothing. The room was quiet and the silence was suffocating. From the next room over, you could hear the grandfather clock ticking away. 

“Likewise,” he finally said, voice gruff, and he looked away from you quickly, as if you weren’t important. 

As if you were nothing. 

Your heart sunk. 

You hadn’t made a good first impression. 

Granted, neither did he, but your father had already pounded into your brain how important this dinner was. You would have to be on your best behavior. You’d have to make sure Levi liked what he saw. Judging by his reaction towards you, he most certainly did not like what he saw. 

Don’t cry, you scolded yourself in your mind when you felt tears threaten to prickle out. No time for crying now. Try again. 

“Thank you for agreeing to come out and spend the evening with us,” you said as you unfolded your napkin onto your lap. Levi wouldn’t meet your gaze. Your father and Erwin were already deep in a conversation together, with your mother politely nodding along, and Levi looked as though he would rather be involved in that conversation than the one you were trying to initiate. 

He hummed some response you couldn’t make out before turning his attention towards Erwin and your father, leaving you to your own devices. The tears threatened to prick your lash line again but you blinked them away and looked down to the plate of supper you were served moments later. 

The rest of dinner was spent with you silent at the end of the table and Levi eventually moving his chair to huddle closer to everyone else, with your father passionately talking about the scouting regiment and his views on the Military Police.

At one point, you had scooted closer as well, and tried to give one final shot at making a good first impression. 

“I really admire the Scouts. I think I got that from my father,” you said, leaning towards Levi. Your father was still babbling away, so you kept your voice at a whisper that only Levi would be able to hear. 

He spared you a glance but said nothing, immediately turning back to listen to whatever your father was saying. 

That was it. 

You felt fully discarded as Levi’s body turned from you, and though he was only across the table from you, the distance you felt mentally and emotionally made him appear worlds away. 

But you could take the hint. You shut up after that and kept to yourself, forcing down the resentment you were beginning to feel. 

Of course Captain Levi wouldn’t be happy about this arrangement. He probably had girls throwing themselves at him. He probably could have had his pick if he hadn’t been forced into this marriage with you. 

No, not marriage.

A deal. A business deal. 

No matter how much you wanted to, it would have been impolite to just walk back to your room. After all, the deed was done, and you just had to play nice to appease your parents and make sure all went smoothly. 

But how was this smooth? 

Nothing about this was going smoothly. 

Still, you stayed silent and stood up straight in your chair while brandy was poured and dessert was served. You picked at the food but downed the brandy in one swig when you felt nobody was watching. 

But when you met Levi’s empty gaze as you set your glass down, you froze in embarrassment, quickly looking away. After several failed attempts at starting a conversation with him, you decided to keep quiet. A girl could take a hint. Unladylike behavior wasn’t something you wanted to discuss, anyway. 

And when Commander Erwin finally stood with your father, Levi following suit a little too quickly, you also stood with relief and a twinge of sadness and said your goodbyes to the two men. 

“Lovely to meet you,” you said to Erwin and Levi; you found it much easier to address them both at the same time rather than embarrass yourself any more than you already had. 

Another curtsy, and then you were free to leave. You barely listened to Erwin’s polite goodbye, and you knew better than to hope for a word out of Levi. 

The tears came before you could even find solace in your bedroom. As you hurried up the stairs, they sprang to your eyes and blurred your vision as you fumbled with the doorknob, until at long last it gave way and you could let yourself inside. 

You closed the door quietly and then locked it, slumping against the solid wood as you sniffled and wiped at your face with the back of your hand. 

So this was what awaited you? A cold and distant husband. He’d take you away from the only home you’d ever known and marry you and resent you, even though you knew in your heart of hearts that you were the one entitled to the resentment. To be taken away from your family, to be taken away from your home, to be married off to some grumpy, little man who could barely put two words together...it was such a slap in the face. 

Truthfully, you’d been so hopeful today. Part of you had secretly hoped for a nice first meeting. Part of you had secretly hoped that you’d walk into the room and see Levi and instantly be infatuated, and that he’d look at you and be pleasantly surprised, maybe even a little awed (a girl could dream), and things would flow. You’d been hoping to hold onto the hope of love. You’d wanted to believe there was a chance that he could love you down the line. 

As you shrugged out of your dress to change into your nightgown, your naivety weighed heavily on you. 

You would never know of love like that. 

-----

Erwin’s disapproval buzzed around him like an aura on the ride home. 

The lord had sent out for a carriage to fetch them, and Levi decided that he wasn’t the biggest fan of carriage rides. Not when they forced him to be stuck inside a confined space with someone who was angry at him. 

“She’s innocent in this entire thing, Levi, like you are,” Erwin finally spoke up, after what Levi felt was ages of tense silence. “It was unfair of you to treat her that way. She was trying to get to know you, and you should have been trying to do the same. Remember that you were the one who pushed for this dinner.” 

Levi clicked his tongue in dismay, scoffing a bit before meeting Erwin’s eyes. 

“You asked me for one big fucking favor, Erwin, and I agreed to it. I’m doing this because I trust you. But don’t expect me to treat her as anything but a spoiled brat who was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. That’s all she is to me,” he said with arms folded across his chest. He’d never felt so on guard before. 

“She’ll be your wife,” Erwin reminded him, and the reminder only served to start the beginning of a headache. 

Levi frowned, rubbing his head with one hand, before folding his arms again and looking out the small window of the carriage. Hardly anyone was out now, and he tried to get lost in his thoughts, anything that didn’t revolve around this ridiculous farce of a marriage. Was this really how nobles did things? Was this actually normal, to pawn off their children once it was convenient? 

It made him sick. 

“All I’m asking is that you show her some decency,” Erwin murmured. 

Levi remained quiet. But when he thought back to your hurt face after each blatant rejection he’d given you, he felt the small pang of guilt he’d wanted to keep at bay. 

You were just some spoiled little brat, he was sure of it. The fact that he was being given orders to be nice to you told him as much. 

But Erwin was, unfortunately, right about one thing. You were innocent in all this. Despite what Levi thought of you, he knew that if you were feeling even a fraction of the turmoil he was feeling now, it would be best to at least tolerate you. 

It would make things easier in an already quite uneasy situation. 

Erwin seemed to pick up on Levi’s silent decision to do better. After that, the silence was comfortable. 

-----

You would have thought the world would end before hearing from Captain Levi himself. The last thing you could have ever expected was now between your fingers, handed to you by a young apprentice boy.

“A letter? From Captain Levi?” you asked, still not quite comprehending. 

“Yes, m’lady,” the boy confirmed, bowing once before backing out of the parlor where you were situated. Then, he sprinted out, bag of correspondence flying behind him. It made you smile. 

When you looked back at the letter in your hands, with your name scrawled out in very neat handwriting, you felt your heart skip a beat in both fear and - unfortunately - hope. 

You reached for the letter opener and tore the envelope open carefully, plucking out the parchment that held a very curt and concise message to you. 

I’ll be visiting today for lunch. 

- Captain Levi 

A man of few words, as always. 

You folded the letter again and shoved it back into the envelope, heart racing as a million theories whirled through your mind. 

Why was he coming? Was he calling off the whole arrangement? Was he warming up to you? Did he need something? Did he feel bad about the other night? 

The nerves were too much. 

And then the reality set in. 

With a startled gasp, you looked up to the grandfather clock in the parlor to check the time. 

“Oh, hell,” you cursed, jumping up from your seat to hurry back to your room and freshen up. It was ten o’clock, and maybe Levi was the type to stop by exactly at noon, when lunch would be served. It left you with only a couple of hours to get your wits about you and make sure his visit went smoothly. 

You stopped one of the kitchen maids on your way to your room; she’d been clearing out the breakfast tray from your father’s room, and you couldn’t be bothered to care if she saw you frazzled like this. 

“Captain Levi will be stopping by for lunch today. Make sure that Chef Erlo knows that,” you said in passing, half your instructions called out from over your shoulder. You barely registered her nod as you barged into your room to change into a prettier dress and check your appearance in the mirror. 

Your eyes were wild, a little bright from adrenaline, but you looked fine otherwise. Hair still styled perfectly, jewelry in place. Nothing for him to complain about. You looked every bit the part of a lord’s daughter.

But the nerves had overtaken you. Only two hours. There was no time to waste. 

-----

When Levi arrived for your lunch date, if you could even call it that, it was barely a quarter past noon. Your mother and father had agreed to let you lunch alone without their company, but you knew they’d be somewhere closeby, nosy as ever. 

With the nice weather, you’d thought it would be a good idea to have lunch outside in the garden. The kitchen maids had already served out the lunch on the table outside, where you sat waiting for Captain Levi. 

As hard as you tried, you couldn’t stop yourself from fidgeting around with all your nerves. The two-hour notice you’d been given apparently hadn’t been enough time to calm yourself down.

And your nerves only spiked when one of the maids stepped out and made way for Captain Levi.

He strode into the garden with a hard gaze, which landed on you immediately, and the maid scurried off as you practically jumped up from your seat to curtsy. 

“Captain Levi,” you greeted him, voice a little shaky, but you hoped he wouldn’t notice. 

Damn. You’d forgotten how handsome he was. It made your nerves even worse. 

“Thank you for agreeing to see me today,” he said stiffly before sitting down. 

“I was...surprised,” you found yourself admitting, and then cleared your throat awkwardly when you realized what you’d said.

Levi sighed, eyes on the platters of food in front of him, and his already somber gaze seemed to grow even harder, more closed off. 

“Do you not like any of the lunch options?” you asked him, trying to read his expression. “It’s really no trouble to tell Chef Er-” 

“It’s fine,” he interrupted, eyes meeting yours. “Just seems excessive for two people.” 

Your face grew hot at that, and you nodded once in agreement. 

“Yes, I agree.” 

“Shame it’ll go to waste. I’m sure you’ll just be throwing it away?” 

The way he posed the question also made it seem like a statement. Like he was answering his own question. It made your brow twitch in annoyance. So, Captain Levi thought himself a know-it-all. 

Though, you couldn’t fault him for generalizing you with all the other noble families. 

You decided to ignore the question, a little annoyed now, and even more impatient. 

“Why are you here, Captain Levi?” 

He sighed then, leaning back in his chair while he stared pointedly at the sliced lamb in front of him. Then, in a flash, his eyes were back on you.

“If we’re going through with this, I want to set some ground rules,” he began. 

Again, your heart sank, just like it did when you’d first met him. 

More rules to adhere to. As if you didn’t have to follow enough of them already. 

“I’ll make more of an effort to...not be an asshole. But I also want you to understand that this isn’t ideal for me. I’m sure it’s not ideal for either of us.” 

“Right,” you whispered sullenly, no longer meeting his gaze. You looked at your lap instead. “Not ideal.”

You could still feel Levi’s eyes on you as he spoke. 

“I don’t want to rush the engagement. I think the more time we set aside, the better. It’ll help, having time to...get used to each other.” 

“Okay,” you agreed, lifting your gaze to meet his again. “Anything else?” 

Levi pausd for a moment, and then met your eyes directly. There was no wavering in his gaze. 

“And I don’t want a wedding. I don’t want this to be some sort of spectacle where you invite all of your bratty friends. Just the ceremony so we can get this over with. I’m not a fan of parties.”

Though you really hadn’t given much thought to your wedding day, this request hit you hard. 

He was asking you to give up your wedding day. When you were already giving up so much.

“Captain Levi…,” you started, but then trailed off, unable to find the words. 

“It’s not up for discussion,” he told you, eyes hard again. 

And what could you say? It wasn’t like you could refuse, and Levi knew that. 

You’d never know love. You’d never know true freedom to make your own choices. And now, you wouldn’t even have one day to celebrate a milestone in your life, a day that would have at least been fun and eased all the other pain you’d have to endure. 

You’d never have a real wedding day. 

“Fine,” you said, voice just barely loud enough for Levi to hear. “Anything else?” 

“No,” he said, and then filled his plate and began to eat. 

He eyed the brandy with a suspicious look in his eye, one that you could have found endearing if it had happened a few minutes ago, but not now. 

The lunch itself was mostly quiet. Levi even tried to start up some painful small talk, but you shut that down quickly with curt answers and no eye contact. It didn’t matter to you to act proper around him now. You’d agreed to his terms, it was settled. It was happening. And you were miserable. 

When you heard the grandfather clock sound at the top of the hour, you had to suppress your sigh of relief as Levi stood. 

“Thank you for lunch,” he said, and it sounded forced, even to you. 

“Would you like to take some back to headquarters?” you asked, mostly out of politeness, but you paused when you saw Levi sincerely consider it, eyes conflicted.

But as suddenly as the emotion appeared on his face, it left, and he shook his head. 

“No, but thank you.” 

You nodded, silent, and turned when the same maid that had led Levi outside appeared, likely to lead him out. Her timing was impeccable. No doubt the work of your parents, watching from somewhere. 

“Miss, I’ll send someone to clear away the trays,” she told you, and you shook your head quickly as you began to do the work yourself. 

“Don’t be silly, I’ll do it myself,” you assured her, balancing a few trays on your arms. 

You nodded once to Captain Levi, then gestured to the maid. 

“Greta will see you out. Thank you for your company.” 

With that, you wandered back inside, heading straight for the servants’ quarters. There was still quite a bit of food left, like Levi had predicted, but he’d been incorrect about it going to waste. 

You knew that the sliced lamb was Greta’s favorite dish at the moment, and you knew that Chef Erlo could never turn down lemon pie, especially when he’d worked so hard to bake it himself. The new apprentice boy, Charlie, loved wild rice, which you still had plenty of. It would be enough for the entire staff to snack on. 

Nothing would ever go to waste, and you’d be damned if you’d ever resort to not caring about your staff. 

-----

As Levi approached the front door, his horse waiting for him outside, he turned to nod at the maid in gratitude. He couldn’t remember her name for the life of him, but that didn’t quite matter. He was just saying goodbye. 

“Greta! Greta! Come quick before the lamb is gone!” 

A boy, no older than ten, came bounding up to the maid, Greta, before Levi could get out the door. 

Under any other circumstance, Levi would have just ignored the boy and left. But what he’d said made him pause.

Lamb? 

The maid, Greta, shushed the boy while her cheeks flushed with embarrassment, knowing Levi was still there and witnessing such uncouth behavior. 

“Lamb? The servants eat pretty well here, then, I take it,” Levi observed. “Unless you’re stealing.”

The boy’s ears turned pink at the accusation, and he shook his head quickly to deny it. 

“No, sir! The lord’s daughter always brings us whatever’s leftover from the family’s meals, and helps us with chores sometimes. Greta says she thinks the miss leaves a lot of trays untouched on purpose for us!” 

“Charlie!” Greta scolded, absolutely miffed, but if anything, it spurred the boy on.

“I’ll be sad when she leaves, but Greta says she’s getting married. Greta, let’s go before it’s all gone!” 

Levi nodded his goodbye to the two of them and shuffled out the door before the poor girl could get any more embarrassed. 

As he mounted his horse, his mind actually drifted back to you. This new information conflicted with his opinion of you, and it startled him. 

Levi tugged on the reins of his horse to head back to base, but he caught one last glimpse of you in the window that peered into your dining room, sitting with what he assumed to be a cook on your staff judging by the outfit, the two of you laughing with plates of lemon pie in your hands. 

He furrowed his brows, and let his gaze linger a little on your smile. He hadn’t seen you smile like that before. 

Then, he nudged his horse and began trudging back to base. All he wanted to do was get back to work and erase the smiling image of you from his mind. 

[butterbeerblurbs]

boyfriend boost (f.w.)

💌: meet your biggest hype man (and boyfriend), fred weasley. 📝: word count: 3,128 words / fred weasley x reader / 🌸fluffflufffluff 💬: tell me i’m wrong that fred would not be your biggest hype man. i’m wAITING [also this was very self-indulgent so let me bask in this thankuloveububs]

there was nothing, and nothing subtle about fred weasley. if there were two boxes, one being the tamest option there is and the other being the grandest of the grand, oh, wonder where fred weasley would’ve been put into? you guessed it right, folks, the grandest of them all. don’t get it twisted, though. when he’s being all that grand, it was more in the form of how he showed his appreciation for you rather than himself. he was confident with his successes and strengths, sure, but he was rather humble about it. he’d rather hear it come from others than himself.

but when it involves you? oh, subtleties be damned.

fred weasley was y/n y/l/n’s number one cheerleader and hype man combined, no less. a hundred and ten million percent always willing to back you up and will throw hands if anyone dared to lay a finger on you (not that he didn’t think you couldn’t fend for yourself - he believes in you - but he’d rather much take up on the fight because his anger would fuel him faster than you could hold him back). he’d gladly holler through the bleachers of how gorgeous you were, even if it meant he’d get into trouble (he has). a surge of pride would go through his veins as he cheers for how you’ve managed to achieve good grades (and comfort you when you don’t). he’ll yell at the top of his lungs that he’s the luckiest man alive to be dating you when his team wins a match of quidditch and you’d hear your name echoing across the pitch area - along with the whole bloody castle (which, he also has).  

although you could do without his continuous yelling because one day, that man will lose his voice, you have to admit that you love it. how unafraid he was being with you. how proud he was with every single one of your achievements and celebrated yours like it was his. he has his loud moments, but his quiet ones are the ones you equally loved as well. how gentle he was whenever you needed a shoulder to cry on or how he’d resort to using his body to cocoon you in from the world. or how he’d fetch you the things you craved for just to make sure he’d see a small smile on your face. on top of it all, his company and his presence; willing to make himself known with a hand in yours as you bundled up in the sheets together. 

there was no other man like fred weasley and you were well-aware of it; more so when he’s kissing you like you’re the only person that mattered in this world, and... letting you go to sit down beside him as if he hadn’t snogged you in front of all of your friends.

he mutters a soft: “you’re welcome for the show there, fellas!” and they groan in response, waving him off as they dig into breakfast. oliver even going as far as to toss a napkin to fred’s face who only snickers in response. it seems like they’ve grown numb to fred’s never-ending affections towards you and for someone rather reserved, they’re always questioning how you were so calm in the midst of fred’s hurricane of affections. you fondly brush his hair back and chuckle as he leans in for a small peck on your lips, along with kissing the side of your head after and he settles down for breakfast. as he does, he adores how you still blush after being kissed by him yet try to pretend like it doesn’t affect you. he knows because you hit the side of his thigh under the table and he catches your hand, holding onto it and winking at you before starting to eat.

fred was generally a romantic person to begin with; and he showed that off pretty much in public, in private, whenever he could. it felt like the chase was never over. it was far from it. it’s been quite some time since you agreed to date him and it was one of your best choices yet. two years and still going strong, it feels like there’s more to fred weasley to love day by day. the new things you learnt about him made you love him more. and any disagreements that came your way, resolved together felt like levelling up in life and in relationship through growth and communication. it felt like two pieces of a puzzle coming together, finally completing each other.

it was the same for said boy, too. (but we’ll save that for another time, let’s focus on you this time around)

at any moment, he’d find an opportunity to make you feel like you’re the luckiest person alive. and when that feeling subsides, he does it all over again, even at times he didn’t appear to be trying. oftentimes, his glances, the way he cares for you, the little things he notices; those were everything to you. how he has a hand on your lower back as you walked, or how he’d pull the chair open for you or snatching your books away as he accompanied you to your next class. fred was a touchy person, more so when it involved you - he can’t take his hands off you. and when he can’t find the words, or show you the way he feels... well... there’s one answer to that.

a bang. 

surely, that’s one of the things that led up to his reputation - and that’s exactly how he plans to show you. he squeezes your hand and you slow down on your chewing to gaze at him in the middle of katie’s little ramble to the whole gang. you swallow down the food in your mouth and he points to under the table, where you reach for the note he’s placed between the pair of you. he then leans in to whisper into your ear, “read it later during herbology,” and you nod silently, easily slotting it into your pocket and return to listening to katie’s story.

though on the outside you seem to have it together, deep down, your heart was racing at the thought of what it could be. fred was never one to be on the down-low with his advances, and it only got progressively more and more daring in public when the pair of you got together. you try not to press too much on it for now, enjoying fred’s fingers between your own beneath the table and basking in the tranquil of the morning shared with your friends.

//

although you had been rather good at keeping your facade up for the whole day, you had to admit, you were curious what was up fred weasley’s sleeves. the boy was super excited as well and you could tell. throughout the class today, he still wouldn’t let slip to what he has planned. not even george would tell you when you tried to prod for more information; swiftly directing you away from the topic (and back to your seat). it only affirms your suspicions that george is in on it too...

angelina notices your furrowed brows towards the end of class, poking your arm with a grin, “what’s going on in that head of yours, y/l/n?”

you pout as you reach for the piece of parchment fred had slipped into your hands earlier, now passing it for her to scan through the words.

“weasley’s handwriting is ghastly,” she comments, and you laugh quietly but still flick her forehead, “alright, alright, sorry mrs. weasley,” she giggles in response, but upon reading the note properly, she sighs, “well, guess it’s another one of his grand scenes again, isn’t it?”

the note reaches back to you and you frown at the words you’ve deciphered earlier:

love, after dinner come out to the courtyard. got a little surprise for you ;)

- your favorite ginger, freddie

“he better not,” you mumble under your breath, recollecting how he pulled a stunt during valentine’s day that even got you in trouble. you’ll admit, your heart swooned at the sight of him bursting heart balloons and making it rain chocolate but it just so happened a balloon exploded in front of professor snape’s face. even when fred pleaded for you not to get involved, snape... wouldn’t be snape if he had listened and granted all of you detention for two weeks. not only that, he was a little bit harsher on fred soon after, which only made you somewhat sad. fred could handle it, of course he could, but it doesn’t make you feel better knowing this situation happened because he absolute adores surprising you like this.

you look over your shoulder to see fred chatting with george animatedly past the plants. it seems like your stare can travel past the air when fred takes his turn to listen to george speak, ever so casually gazing your way as well. he stops george mid-sentence, the weasley twins now looking at you and you lift up the piece of paper, shaking your head with a small frown, to which they easily translate to: please don’t do it.

george chuckles and shakes his head, the same time fred lifts a finger up and wiggles it disapprovingly, to which you translate to: not a chance, love.

well, so be it then. if fred is aiming to be the first person to get expelled for professing his love then... oh god, please don’t get expelled.

//

your stomach is turning upside down the moment you’re done with dinner. the great hall is still filled with people, but it starts to disperse when students get up to leave. your heart drops when you already see fred and george gone, gaping at the sudden lost of the ginger haired boys - how could you have let them slip?!

you rise up to your feet and nudge angelina to follow suit. she links arms with you as you make your way to the courtyard, and she can tell you’re nervous mainly for fred’s wellbeing. she finds it adorable, but you’re a mess inside. of course you appreciated fred’s gestures and his way of showing he loves you, but you’d rather him do it in a way that doesn’t jeopardise his studies... which... you somewhat understand he’d rather much risk it all.

it was simply in fred weasley’s blood. apparently george’s as well when the moment you reach the courtyard, you’re gaping at the pair of them on their broomsticks, as if they had been swirling around to wait for your arrival. it amazes you how they haven’t got caught yet. now that they deserve an award for.

your jaw drops, anxiety fills your bones and you frantically look around in hopes you don’t spot a professor in sight. lee’s voice fills the courtyard as he hollers to the twins above, “y/n y/l/n is in sight!”

“let em’ rip, freddie!”

“when you do, georgie!”

“what the bloody-!” your voice gets cut off when the pair of them swing whatever it is in their hands up into the air, erupting explosions of fireworks out on display. cheers can be heard from the people who have gathered to watch, some from the sidelines, some from past the gaps of the corridors but you... out here in the open as the sparks of blue, red, and yellow intertwined up to paint the night sky. midnight blue, spread across with glitters of white all dancing along in the air and it keeps going.

the shapes morph from hearts, to stars, and you swear you see your initials being spelled out like constellations. your breath starts to quicken at the sight and angelina rubs your arm soothingly to calm you down, but she can already see the glow in your eyes in admiration to fred’s stunt. of course, she chuckles, and you take a side glance to her and playfully nudge her by bumping your shoulder to hers.

“and you wonder why fred does it? when you’re looking at the surprise like that?” she muses, and you shake your head, eyes gazing back up to the sight and your heart is full. “he’s gone mad,” you snort, but angelina knows your true feelings when you squeeze her arm, the firework of hearts now embedded in your eyes instead. 

more people start to gather around and it’s only a matter of time before you’d all get into trouble. but when you look up and manage to lock eyes with fred who looks like he’ll gladly even steal the moon for you if that’s what you wanted, your heart rests easy. we’ll go down together, then.

before you can hold eye contact with the ginger haired boy and express your gratitude, a bunch of girls on the side nudge you for your attention. you turn over to them, along with angelina who raises a brow.

“where on earth did you get him from?” one of them asks, and you didn’t know if they were being serious or not. yet, their tone really sounds like they’re genuinely curious. it makes angelina laugh, already looking away to continue watching the fireworks and you shrug, shaking your head, “honestly, i have no idea,”

“you’re one bloody lucky girl, y/n,”

“yeah,” you breathed, watching how wide fred smiles at you like you are the world and truly, you were. but fred was the same, if not more to you, too. literal stars in his eyes as he continues to fly around in the air, his movements somewhat coordinated with the on-going fireworks. your eyes are locked on him the whole time, biting down on your lip to stop yourself from grinning too hard. when he slows down on his broom and sways down to you, his eyes remain on you as you release the bite from your lip, smiling face to face at fred,  “i am.”

((”freddie!” you manage to leap into his arms and he catches you, always does. he chuckles when you squeeze him tight around his neck and he’s taking advantage of his grip on you to tug you to the side so at least, you two would somehow have a moment together in decent privacy. he kisses the side of your head, arms wrapping around you to give you a squeeze back. he grins at you when you pull back, one of his hands reaching up to push your hair from your face, “hello there, gorgeous,” his hand then goes back to your waist, now swaying the pair of you idly in the midst of loud chatter of the people around you but somehow, fred only sees you. 

“did you like the surprise?” he wiggles his brows, earning a grateful nod from you, “i love it freddie,” you admit shyly, feeling heat rising to your cheeks and fred resists the urge to openly snog the heck out of you, willing to hold back... for now, at least. “you always make me feel like the luckiest person alive,” 

he frowns, brows knitting together, “hey! don’t go around stealing my line,” his nose scrunches up in disapproval, “’m supposed to say that!”

“oh, you’ve surely said enough with those fireworks,” you snort, hitting the back of his neck gently. he opens his mouth to say something - if you had to guess, probably something along the lines of ‘reckon i could’ve said a whole lot more’ because fred believes life’s too short to not go out with a bang - but you quickly place a finger on his lips, beating him to it.

“speaking of, lay low a little, please?” you huff, “wouldn’t want to explain to molly and arthur that you got expelled just to profess your love to me,” fred reads between the lines and it’s code words for please don’t get expelled and not try to complete your studies or ruin your remaining time in hogwarts just for this. the amount of love and care you had for him was insane and he never knew someone could love him like this before. it made his heart feel like it was floating in his ribcage.

“i’ll try, i guess... if you give me a kiss?” he raises a brow, even though he knows it’s not a question that had any other answer than leaning in with a grin, aiming for his puckered lips, only to be-”mr. weasley,”

you don’t know if you’re grateful that at least, it wasn’t professor snape. instead it was professor mcgonagall who’s pulling fred by the ear. he yelps in response, refusing to let go of his arms on your waist until you brush his hands off. for a moment he looks a little hurt, but you can tell he’s just being playful.

“p-professor,” you lower your head, and she only tuts at the pair of you, but more towards-”i expect to see you in detention, mr. weasley,” her hand extends out to the side and she grabs ahold of-”this mr. weasley as well,” george groans when professor mcgonagall drags your weasley by the ear, and the other by his robe. “your time starts now,” she sternly reprimands, nudging them to the side to make their move and you frown and keep your head down when she turns to look at you.

yet, she doesn’t say much, only dusting your robe and offering you a small smile, to which you return as well. “i’m still surprised how you’re with mr. weasley but,” she leans in and you instinctively do the same, “as sweet as that was, do keep it under the covers. wouldn’t want to expel him,”

you let your reaction get the best of you by saying: “that’s what i said-!” you notice your outburst surprises her and you quiet down, “w-will do, professor, thank you,”

she lets a soft chuckle escape before clearing her throat to the rest of the-”students, off to bed!”

“but professor! look at how pretty she is! not even a kiss?!” fred hollers just as he’s a good distance away, his voice echoing in the courtyard as it blends with laughs from some of the students. you can’t help but keep your eyes away from anyone staring and angelina swoops in to drag you back to your dorm, but not until you’re able to blow a kiss to fred and bid him goodnight without words.

“look at that! so gorgeous! so unfair-ah!” fred yelps and you hear a smack, to which you can only make up is from professor mcgonagall when they disappear in the halls and you’d have to wait until tomorrow morning to give fred that kiss he’s earned... a few kisses, at least.))

[thedistantdusk]

Hi! Are you still updating Noticing?

Hiya!

Noticing is not abandoned, but I had a baby in February and I have a 3 year old. I’m also a writer in a non fanfic capacity, which means a lot of my time is dedicated to outlining and revisions and other things that make writing less fun.

All of this is to say that to give Noticing a satisfactory ending, I’ll have to do a lot of Unfun Writing Stuff, which is why it’s not a priority. I enjoyed writing two fluffy fics this summer, but when it comes to Noticing, I’m a perfectionist. I have the whole thing planned, but I’m struggling with the execution… because frankly, there’s a lot of pressure. I’m terrified this will be the fic that was great until the last two chapters, where it went to shit.

Lastly, if I’m being honest, I’m also a bit disillusioned with fandom in general right now. I’m starting to see a resurgence of using fandom as crutch for avoiding reality/using fanfic to craft an idealized universe in which one is unerringly worshipped. Granted, we are all guilty of this to some extent— and in small doses, this is fine. But what I’m seeing isn’t small doses; I’m seeing things like the swift abandonment of years-long friendships to gain imaginary internet points. I’m seeing a lot of Flying Monkeys leaping to defend objectively unhealthy behaviors instead of removing a loved one from a downward spiral. I’m seeing a lot of betrayal and deceit and harbored resentment over inconsequential things that won’t remotely matter in the course of one’s entire life. As I’ve said several times, relying on other people to validate your existence will always leave you disappointed. It’s both frustrating and sad to see this sort of behavior rising again, just when folks around the world need each other the most.

I participate in this community for just that: the community. Kudos and likes and reviews are lovely, but they don’t define my existence. If you feel they are starting to define your existence, or if you feel you feel your internet persona is the only piece of you with value, I strongly advise you to seek mental health assistance. You are absolutely worthy of being loved, regardless of your productivity. You are enough! ❤️

Uh wow… this is probably a much deeper answer than you were looking for, anon! 😅 Sorry to drop that on you, but it’s true.

Anyway. My DMs are always open. I wish you all the best.

[edenmemes]

the witcher 3: wild hunt starters

including quotes from the dlcs hearts of stone & blood and wine

❝  you were always an unruly child. i adored that about you.  ❞ ❝  mmm. yes. of course. the excuse you resort to when you’d rather not talk about something.  ❞ ❝  how many have you killed? how many more might you still?  ❞ ❝  you know who i am. and why i’m here.  ❞ ❝  you're a madman and always have been. a cruel, cold-blooded killer.  ❞ ❝  a man should frame his wishes carefully. it forestalls disappointment.  ❞ ❝  no argument. you knew what you were signing up for.  ❞ ❝  maybe once, in a different time...i’d have helped.  ❞ ❝  don’t train alone, it only embeds your errors.  ❞ ❝  wanna get drunk off my ass. and it’s gotta be on cheap wine.  ❞ ❝  you’re a heartless bastard.  ❞ ❝  try to trick me anyway, anyhow, you won’t go anywhere, you know that. ‘cause i’ll take your head off right where it meets your neck.  ❞ ❝  sorry. i don’t want to talk about it. not now, at least.  ❞ ❝  we are more like a family.   we support each other and help each other survive tough moments.  ❞ ❝  so how’s it feel to be the village witch?  ❞ ❝  realize, please, that you were made for great things.  ❞ ❝  folks say a curse has fallen on that place, a dark power brought down by the bestiality of the murders it beheld.  ❞ ❝  so, now you’ve threatened me and all...are you in or are you not?  ❞ ❝  i know it must sound foolish, but in the dream - well, it was all too real...  ❞ ❝  we may not survive this. in fact, our chances are slim.  ❞ ❝  it’s always been about you. only you.  ❞ ❝  i remember finding your sense of humor both groan-worthy...and somehow endearing.  ❞ ❝  kings die, realms fall, but magic endures.  ❞ ❝  i detest banquets. vacuous conversation, food portions fit for a mouse, drinks that taste like piss...  ❞ ❝  despite what you’ve heard, i don’t lunge at every monster i see, sword in hand.  ❞ ❝  each day’s more dangerous than the last.  ❞ ❝  it’s folks like you that restore my faith in humankind.  ❞ ❝  my power lies in possessing knowledge, not sharing it.  ❞ ❝  the rotten smell brings back childhood memories.  ❞ ❝  awfully noble of you, showing so much concern for the needy.  ❞ ❝  no need to thank me. always glad to save your ass. you’re welcome.  ❞ ❝  i may be inhumanely beautiful, but i don’t have super human senses.  ❞ ❝  anyone can be made to talk, even a corpse. one must simply know how.  ❞ ❝  we’ve done the hardest part. only got the pleasant bits now.  ❞ ❝  there are few causes worth saving. even fewer men.  ❞ ❝  don’t treat me like a child.  ❞ ❝  there’s strange men lurking outside the house. watching me.  ❞ ❝  you must be careful what you wish for lest your wish be granted.    for there are consequences.  ❞ ❝  shall i be free of the suffering? the sadness?  ❞ ❝  i wish to gaze into those eyes, eyes the devil would be proud to have.  ❞ ❝  you were born with a great gift. and only you can decide how to use it.  ❞ ❝  any other words of wisdom? or can we go?  ❞ ❝  what i need is an ally. and something tells me i shall find none better than you.  ❞ ❝  i can see no row can occur here without your participation.  ❞ ❝  i and what concerns me have not been a concern of yours for some time now.  ❞ ❝  if you’d not arrived in time, things might have ended considerably worse.  ❞ ❝  if they can bleed, they can die.  ❞ ❝  a man must display some madness from time to time --- it helps him feel alive.  ❞ ❝  i was deeply troubled. you’ve no idea.  ❞ ❝  done that so many times, but...it felt like our first kiss to me.  ❞ ❝  don’t need to play tough on me.  ❞ ❝  i've lost too many mates already. i won’t risk it, i can't.  ❞ ❝  there’s just not enough of us. it’ll be a hard fight.  ❞ ❝  in lonely woods, screams carry long.  ❞ ❝  things used to be simpler.    monsters were bad, humans good.   now, everything’s all confused.  ❞ ❝  as for your missteps --- i don't rightly see why i shouldn't laugh if they're amusing..  ❞ ❝  i’ve no gold to offer you in reward...but i shall be ever so grateful.  ❞ ❝  if you’re scared, turn back. i’m gonna go on.  ❞ ❝  if anything happens, i’ll defend you.  ❞ ❝  once you say "i love you," a kiss has to taste differently.  ❞ ❝  maybe we should sit? you look a bit dazed...  ❞ ❝  drink it off, sleep it off, whatever it takes...just get yourself together and think things        through.  ❞ ❝  i shall join later, if it’s no trouble. i don’t yet feel strong enough to venture out.  ❞ ❝  awake at last. you writhed like a squirrel caught in a snare.  ❞ ❝  again you plan without even asking what i think!  ❞ ❝  come to see how i’m feelin'? thanks, not bad.  ❞ ❝  i remember that day quite well...there was a light drizzle, yet the cold tore right through you.  ❞ ❝  you gotta keep your eyes peeled wide open. someone’s taken an interest in your work.  ❞ ❝  oof...for a minute, i actually thought we were doomed.  ❞ ❝  you shouldn’t worry yourself --- it tarnishes your beauty.  ❞ ❝  i’d even embrace you...were you not covered in blood.  ❞ ❝  guess i could’ve been someone worse...just a shame i had no choice.  ❞ ❝  facts interest me. not fairytales.  ❞ ❝  hm, odd smell. blend of alcohol, blood and monster stench.  ❞ ❝  i’m old and i am wealthy. i may say what i please.  ❞ ❝  now, be so kind and leave me to my thoughts.  ❞ ❝  in your shoes i’d pack it up and go hide somewhere far away.  ❞ ❝  forgive me, but that's the blatherin' of someone who clearly can't snap out of it after a tragic loss.  ❞ ❝  that all you gotta say? i saved your life.  ❞ ❝  i swear on all that is holy: we shall be together forever.  ❞ ❝  think of me as part of the decor.  ❞ ❝  anyone who’s bold enough to fight is already a hero.  ❞ ❝  if this is a trap of some sort...  ❞ ❝  you can count on me, you know? always.  ❞ ❝  you don’t know how much it means...to have someone you can rely on in this fucking city.  ❞ ❝  i know you. you have no heart.  ❞ ❝  no room for friendship in this business.  ❞ ❝  evil is evil. lesser, greater, middling, makes no difference. the degree is arbitrary, the definitions blurred.  ❞ ❝  hands off, or i'll cut them off.  ❞ ❝  i’ll need to clear my head first. after those deranged dreams, i feel it’s full of cobwebs.  ❞ ❝  on your way? or will you stay longer? it’s far safer with you around...  ❞ ❝  really sad story, but something’s not right. got a feeling you’re not telling me everything.  ❞ ❝  gotta admit, there’s something about you. you’re...different.  ❞ ❝  with each arrow i shoot, i think of my dad. he’d be proud, i think.  ❞ ❝  i merely know when to indulge my pride, and when to swallow it.  ❞ ❝  you were born to greatness.  ❞ ❝  these’re dark, grim times. no room for knights pure of heart or happily-ever-afters.  ❞ ❝  a life without liquor’s like loving without licking.  ❞ ❝  my certainty i walk the right path grows strong as iron, firm as steel.  ❞ ❝  few make me feel awkward, but in your presence, i feel anxiety, discomfort.  ❞ ❝  some men have got good reason to fear their own shadows.  ❞ ❝  some men cannot admit defeat. some keep fighting from beyond the grave.  ❞ ❝  stare into their eyes, feast on their terror. then go in for the kill.  ❞ ❝  forget not that you are a person right and honorable, devoted to doing good.  ❞ ❝  ash shall fertilize the soil. by spring, the valley shall bloom once more.  ❞ ❝  there’s lots of wraiths here. i hear them whispering every night.  ❞ ❝  no one has the courage to face this threat! yet we must kill them, or sooner or later we will all die.  ❞ ❝  you are a step away from losing your head. speak the truth and you might yet keep it.  ❞ ❝  you carry within you the weight of a terrible tragedy. you are a good person, but lost. which is why you come across as grim.  ❞ ❝  if i understand you correctly, you would rather help a monster than kill it?  ❞ ❝  discouraged after a mere eight attempts?  ❞ ❝  easier to pat someone on the back and hope things will work out than it is to face the truth.  ❞ ❝  know that they can’t teach an old dog new tricks?  ❞ ❝  my, you’ve grown beautiful.  ❞ ❝  my swords a promise --- if i reach for it, heads will roll.  ❞ ❝  one condition: no one dies. that clear?  ❞ ❝  patience happens to be my weakness. so dispense with the dramatic pauses and talk.  ❞ ❝  you proved today you can take care of yourself.  ❞ ❝  you under the delusion you’ll complete your tasks, live happily ever after?  ❞ ❝  i will not sit and twiddle my thumbs. i'm sick of waiting, sick of hiding!  ❞ ❝  glad you know who i am. haven’t introduced yourself, though.  ❞ ❝  i’ve seen a great deal --- cruelty, cynicism, greed.  ❞ ❝  you tempt fate, because at heart you are unhappy.  ❞ ❝  we had our chance, but...let it go.  ❞ ❝  come now, you didn’t expect it to be that easy, did you?  ❞ ❝  promise me one thing --- you’ll stop risking your life for others.  ❞ ❝  instead of dwelling on the future, i’d rather live in the moment.  ❞ ❝  i adore love stories. especially the ones that end happily ever after.  ❞ ❝  we are drops of rain that together make a ferocious storm.  ❞ ❝  the path to freedom is paved in blood, not ink.  ❞ ❝  we’ll get our happy ending. one day.  ❞ ❝  i’ll never forget what you did for me...and what we had together.  ❞ ❝  don’t meddle in other people’s lives.  ❞ ❝  i don’t get attached to places. just people.  ❞ ❝  it’s dangerous, there are risks involved. understand that, don’t you?  ❞ ❝  and here i hoped someone would finally take pity on me.  ❞ ❝  seen a lot of dead in my time, but that must’ve been hard.  ❞ ❝  air is strange...like dropping into a deep cellar on a hot day...  ❞ ❝  wouldn’t carry a sword if i didn’t know how to use it.  ❞ ❝  take it you didn't summon me to reminisce about the good old days, so...  ❞ ❝  i was attacked --- had to defend myself.  ❞ ❝  guards have never stopped me, you know that.  ❞ ❝  treating the ill and wounded...it’s my calling.  ❞ ❝  you think it’s enchanted?  ❞ ❝  there are times when a woman should simply not explain her decision.  ❞ ❝  won’t find too many comforts, but try to feel at home.  ❞ ❝  i was looking for you...sometimes i thought you were just a step away. other times, i felt like i was going around in circles.  ❞ ❝  i’ll remember you. always with a smile.  ❞ ❝  i’d rather you not make anymore trouble --- for yourself, or us both.  ❞ ❝  got the stench of corpes on you.  ❞ ❝  you stood to gain --- that is why you saved me.  ❞ ❝  sages invariably have hidden agendas. altruism is simply not part of their constitution.  ❞ ❝  the gods have abandoned us. the mighty of this earth care not for our fate.  ❞ ❝  is that admiration i hear in your voice?  ❞ ❝  i started off heading in the opposite direction, but then turned around.  ❞ ❝  i’m fed up. i won’t have others deciding for me behind my back.  ❞ ❝  where’d you get this idea? what’s gotten into you?  ❞ ❝  i don't expect you to commit now. think it over, what you've heard, what you feel.  ❞ ❝  head torn clear off...takes incredible strength.  ❞ ❝  desperate fathers have been known to do a lot to find their daughters.  ❞ ❝  you cannot kill me. you know this...  ❞ ❝  "i give you my heart”? what kind of spell is that?  ❞ ❝  i’d go anywhere with you.  ❞ ❝  why? because i am a woman? in a frock, rather than plate? i can take care of myself, i assure you.  ❞ ❝  everything we discussed here, hope you’ll keep it to yourself. counting on it, in fact.  ❞ ❝  trusted you once. won’t make that mistake again.  ❞ ❝  shut up. i’ve heard enough of your bullshit. draw your weapon, let’s get this over with.  ❞ ❝  exaggerating for effect, right?  ❞ ❝  well, well...when cornered, you can bite.  ❞ ❝  you cannot win...even if you kill me.  ❞ ❝  you know i’m good at accomplishing the impossible.  ❞ ❝  it’s nothing, really. you’d have done the same for me.  ❞ ❝  you are not ready. you do not control your powers.  ❞ ❝  you’re a tool in their hands, even if you don’t see it.  ❞ ❝  i’d do anything for you, i would. you know that well.  ❞ ❝  this is a land where the fantastic is normal, and the impossible occurs daily...  ❞ ❝  know when a legend becomes a prophecy? when it gain believers.  ❞ ❝  i thought you’d become a stranger to me. that i’d look at you and not feel a thing. but it’s not like that at all. nothing’s changed.  ❞ ❝  to be honest, i just wanted to go on a walk with you.  ❞ ❝  what i really want is to be with you, to...to be together and...  ❞ ❝  this is not the kind of offer one refuses.  ❞ ❝  despair devours you like maggots devour a corpse.  ❞ ❝  before long every soul will kneel before you.  ❞ ❝  i run into dilemmas all the time. situations where it's hard to judge, hard to know what's right, make a decision. this is not one of them. you disgust me. and deserve to die.  ❞ ❝  you know me. i’m rare to praise, but when i do, it’s sincere.  ❞ ❝  i'm not a thug for hire.  ❞ ❝  i like being on adventures, sleeping under the stars, waking up with dew on my face.  ❞ ❝  the dream's within reach now. i’m not about to let it go.  ❞ ❝  unlike you, killing gives me no pleasure.  ❞ ❝  can't speak for the world you inhabit, but in mine, nothing is ever black and white.  ❞ ❝  you cannot possibly imagine how much i detest this place.  ❞ ❝  stones you’ve got. but i didn’t think you’d have the stomach for a massacre.  ❞ ❝  the dead man --- looked like a monster attacked him recently.  ❞ ❝  finish all your business before you die. bid loved ones farewell. write your will. apologize to those you’ve wronged. otherwise, you’ll never truly leave this world.  ❞ ❝  i've had nothing but nightmares lately. pretty horrible.  ❞ ❝  i was wandering through the forest, breathing deep the air, and then i heard a strange sound, unsettling.  ❞ ❝  had a few nice dreams. for example, in one we sat around a fire, drinking good wine, and all around people danced and laughed.  ❞ ❝  they’re all dead! mountains of corpses. yet here i stand alone. all alone.  ❞ ❝  this isn’t a game. men have died.  ❞ ❝  if you wanna listen, listen, if not --- i'd rather you spared me your wit and throw me out now.  ❞ ❝  you fed me, cared for me, had my wounds looked after. we're even now.  ❞ ❝  you’ll return, you shall. our fates are bound.  ❞ ❝  i’ve nothing left. not a fucking thing.  ❞ ❝  i don’t question your abilities. i simply don’t trust you.  ❞ ❝  what foolish things men sometimes do.  ❞ ❝  dare harm me, and against you will rise all the powers of nature.  ❞ ❝  did you destroy the evil powers? have you brought peace to my domain?  ❞ ❝  well, perhaps i shall tell you about it one day. one day, but not today..  ❞ ❝  times like these, you never know what tomorrow will bring.  ❞ ❝  you worry too much. what will be, will be.  ❞ ❝  have you gone completely mad? we must leave here at once!  ❞ ❝  time eats away at memories, distorts them. sometimes we only remember the good... sometimes only the bad.  ❞ ❝  you don’t need magic to strip men of their humanity. i’ve seen plenty of examples.  ❞ ❝  if i’m to choose between one evil and another, i’d rather not choose at all.  ❞ ❝  see what i’ve got on my back? wolves fear it. kings do, too.  ❞ ❝  i missed those awkward compliments of yours.  ❞ ❝  sometimes i think it’s all too lovely to be true…that something’s bound to happen, another war or some other horror.  ❞ ❝  took you a while. did you run into trouble?  ❞ ❝  i just travel a lot. and i don't always happen upon such good and civil company.  ❞ ❝  what can you know about saving the world, silly?  ❞ ❝  done my share of fighting. wouldn't carry a sword if i didn't know to use it.  ❞ ❝  all right, perhaps i wasn’t completely honest.  ❞ ❝  ever thought this day would come? me and you...peace and quiet...bees buzzing, birds chirping.  ❞ ❝  i detect a shadow of impatience in your face.  ❞ ❝  took me a long time to find you. wasn't an easy road to travel.  ❞ ❝  wipe that frown off your face, or i might think you don’t like me anymore.  ❞ ❝  always believed attack was the best defense.  ❞ ❝  once it’s all over, if we survive ... i wish to leave, go far away.   and i’d like you to come with me.  ❞ ❝  naturally, you suspect me of the worst. i don’t deserve that.  ❞ ❝  we can fight another time, in another place, where the walls have no ears.  ❞ ❝  once i was free...i shall be free once more.  ❞ ❝  believe me...a tavern, mulled wine, our boots drying by the fire --- i’d like nothing better.  ❞ ❝  prove it. kiss me.  ❞ ❝  the prophecies do not lie...you cannot survive this struggle.  ❞ ❝  i know you better than you think.  ❞ ❝  you know me. nothing i like more than breaking rules.  ❞ ❝  what’s happened? it’s so quiet, all of a sudden.  ❞ ❝  thank you, for coming with me.  ❞ ❝  i cannot do everything for you. use your head.  ❞ ❝  i'm angry and tired. had to kill a lot of people along the way.  ❞ ❝  we’ve come a long way, and i’d be damned if we’ve come to fail.  ❞ ❝  i sense your pain. i see your fear.  ❞ ❝  how’s this for an answer: kiss my ass.  ❞ ❝  how many have you already killed? how many more might you still?  ❞ ❝  i'm quite alive and extraordinarily well. better than i've ever been in this rotten life of mine.  ❞ ❝  i like it when you smile. come here. everything will be all right.  ❞ ❝  ugh. don’t fall in love with me.  ❞ ❝  i don’t like you. in fact, i feel like slapping you.  ❞ ❝  i'm too old to play the blushing bride...unless you ask nicely.  ❞ ❝  that bit of my life --- forgotten it already.  ❞ ❝  the world doesn’t need a hero. it needs a professional.  ❞ ❝  next time you wonder why i’m so bitter...well, there's your answer.  ❞ ❝  nothing wrong with having a drink in good company.  ❞ ❝  i want you behind those rocks. and keep your mouth shut.  ❞ ❝  nice of you to worry...but i've made my decision, and i won't change it.  ❞ ❝  this is my story, not yours. you must let me finish telling it.  ❞ ❝  after all that toil, i believe we deserve a bit of a rest.  ❞ ❝  i was afraid you were dead.  ❞ ❝  we’ve all some stain on our conscience.  ❞ ❝  leaving the castle walls means certain death.  ❞ ❝  right good jest. had us a laugh. now fuck off.  ❞ ❝  i’ve heard about you. you bring trouble, or thus far have, always.  ❞ ❝  ah, you’ve struck a raw nerve.    memories of a time long past to which i’d rather not return now.  ❞ ❝  we meet again. and it seems you need my help. again.  ❞ ❝  got a relative i can talk to? someone - how do i say this - a smidgen less irritating?  ❞ ❝  miss the target, you owe me fifty push-ups. hit it, you owe me twenty.  ❞ ❝  oh. serious talk coming.  ❞ ❝  i feel like one more lie'd be the last bitter drop in a chalice full of sorrow.  ❞ ❝  romantic? thought we came here as friends.  ❞ ❝  you’re hiding something. and that’s one thing i can’t stand.  ❞ ❝  tell me, how do you do it? always manage to pull yourself together, focus, no matter what’s happening?  ❞ ❝  i go wherever i please, whenever i please.  ❞ ❝  uh oh. i know that look.  ❞ ❝  sounds tempting. so tempting i don’t think i can refuse.  ❞ ❝  so, what do you say to a moonlight ride on horseback...and dinner?  ❞ ❝  perhaps...perhaps you’d stay just a bit longer?  ❞ ❝  how are you feeling? sleep well?  ❞ ❝  such a gloomy subject to broach...  simply shouldn’t have.  ❞

❝  such a gloomy subject to broach...i simply shouldn’t have --- not during our romantic dinner.  ❞ ❝  got it. a bit of blackmail --- just your style.  ❞ ❝  it’s the crack of dawn. where do you wanna go?  ❞ ❝  shut up before you wake someone. last thing we need is a crowd.  ❞ ❝  watch what you say. the trees have ears.  ❞ ❝  no bow at hand, no spear. my sword was all i had.  ❞ ❝  never expected you’d take such an interest in my private life.  ❞ ❝  i’m special. always was the rare beauty.  ❞ ❝  damn. been ages since we last saw each other.  ❞ ❝  some charming orchards nearby. in bloom, even, so you almost can't smell the corpses.  ❞ ❝  you know me. nothing i like more than breaking rules.  ❞ ❝  man spends his whole life learning.  ❞ ❝  if only i was as skilled with my words as i am with my blade.  ❞ ❝  i wished to know what was going on in that head of yours. i thought perhaps i could help.  ❞ ❝  i can tell something’s bothering you.  ❞ ❝  dangerous times. each thinks five times before sticking their neck out.   and i can’t blame them.  ❞ ❝  now i care not in the slightest how you think or feel.  ❞ ❝  i no longer know if i still hate you.  ❞ ❝  i see how you look at me, and i see you wither.  ❞ ❝  one last bit of advice --- find a new tavern. everyone here knows you.  ❞ ❝  you won. no point bothering with ‘what ifs’.  ❞ ❝  it’s time i took fate into my own hands. lived life anew...and truly, this time.  ❞ ❝  ahh, 'cause you thought you'd killed me that time. surprise, sur-fucking-prise.  ❞ ❝  who...who’s that? gods, i’m hallucinating.  ❞ ❝  it’s no exaggeration to say i’ve never met a warrior like you in my life. you’re lithe as an eel and strong as a bear.  ❞ ❝  i’ve a heart again, yet all it feels is grief, sadness and defeat. my life is a ruin.  ❞ ❝  sought only to protect myself. in doing so, i put you in harm’s way. forgive me.  ❞ ❝  there’s a charming grove nearby where  kisses  taste  sweeter than anywhere else in the world.  ❞ ❝  you’ve handled tougher situations. you’ll figure this one out.  ❞ ❝  who you are and why you’ve come matter little. for you’ll not leave this place alive.  ❞ ❝  i’m not panicking. just trying to be realistic.  ❞ ❝  hahahahaha...i can’t believe you fell for that!  ❞ ❝  i was actually going to recite an anthem praising your glory, but if you’re not in the mood...  ❞ ❝  lying didn’t always come so easily to you.  ❞ ❝  everyone wants to rule. i can do that better than any monarch.  ❞ ❝  tell me what you want already, and make it quick.  ❞ ❝  what a mess we made of it all...if i’d only known then how it would end...  ❞ ❝  seems a faded dream now, but there were a time where i was happy.  ❞ ❝  why’d you leave me? you claimed you loved me.  ❞ ❝  never liked boats. not one bit.  ❞ ❝  you must be mad. i’ve no intention to make things easier for you.  ❞ ❝  i don’t wish to look at your face any longer than i must.  ❞ ❝  please, no. i can’t stand spells.  ❞ ❝  we agreed not to keep any secrets from one another. we promised.  ❞ ❝  that i like! a man who boldly dares, damn the risks!  ❞ ❝  i thought you bowed before no man.  ❞ ❝  smile a bit wider. ...you were meant to smile, not bare your teeth.  ❞ ❝  is that blood? have you hurt yourself?  ❞ ❝  no reason to trouble the guards. i’ll go willingly.  ❞ ❝  look at me. promise you’ll stay out of it.  ❞ ❝  the minute we’re in trouble, you make me responsible for getting us out.  ❞ ❝  they say they don’t fear the wrath of the gods. and you, do you fear it?  ❞ ❝  i’ll let that pass. i know grief eats at your heart.  ❞ ❝  we all lie sometimes. but lying to yourself is running away, whereas there’s really nowhere to run.  ❞ ❝  don’t need your sympathy, just your help.  ❞ ❝  your loss -- it must hurt, bad. but there wasn't anything we could do.  ❞ ❝  i wish to leave, go far away. and i’d like you to come with me.  ❞ ❝  i trust you have an explanation for this. a very good one.  ❞ ❝  lot of bitterness in you.  ❞ ❝  i assure you, you’re excellent at covering your tracks --- though not terribly subtle. but i’m even better at uncovering them.  ❞ ❝  glad to see you happy...but i don’t think what we did was right.  ❞ ❝  i look at you, and...and feel like i am exactly where i am supposed to be. at long last.  ❞ ❝  i’m no coward. i'll not run this time.  ❞ ❝  yes, i know you’ve trained with swords. but you’re still shit with them.  ❞ ❝  how many innocents have you cut down?  ❞ ❝  problem is, you’re not ordinary. you were born to greatness.  ❞ ❝  not too late to surrender.  ❞ ❝  men turn honest when they feel a blade at their throat.  ❞ ❝  i'm not gonna drink. why dull my senses when i’m in such pleasant company?  ❞ ❝  it’s bound to come in handy, and each time it does, you’ll think of me.  ❞ ❝  lie still or you will bleed to death.  ❞ ❝  your life is yours, exclusively. you choose who you are.  ❞ ❝  for a minute there, was almost sure you’d leave me to die.  ❞ ❝  there is never a second opportunity to make a first impression.  ❞ ❝  it’s all because of that secretiveness of yours.  ❞ ❝  plead the gods spare us, for without their favor we shall most certainly perish.  ❞ ❝  i must say -- seen a lot, but nothing like this, never.  ❞ ❝  you don’t look like you can get home on your own. i’ll walk you.  ❞ ❝  all’s in the past, never to be restored.  ❞ ❝  you know full well i never hold a grudge. i forgive you.  ❞ ❝  the good gods sent you to me.  ❞ ❝  and the guilt, the responsibility of all this, lies with me.  ❞ ❝  you’ve only been here five minutes, and you’ve already managed to offend me twice.  ❞ ❝  you will certainly fetch me a higher bounty alive.  ❞ ❝  what's wrong with my beard? always thought it added to my dignity.  ❞ ❝  if i’m to die today, i wish to look smashing for the occasion.  ❞ ❝  i was stupid. stupidity costs a lot.  ❞ ❝  even your humblest requests seem like threats.  ❞ ❝  your motives do not interest me. only results.  ❞ ❝  and you laughed, oh, how sweetly, how brightly you laughed!  ❞ ❝  you don’t know how it is. to see someone you love die. because of you, for you.  ❞ ❝  to have a scapegoat --- that’s the key.  ❞ ❝  no need to fear me.  ❞ ❝  sorry, but -- your life story? just not interested.  ❞ ❝  with you...it was love at first sight.  ❞ ❝  gotta understand. you don’t betray people like me.  ❞ ❝  i struggled long to find a place where i’d feel safe, needed. until i finally arrived here.  ❞ ❝  just don’t faint on me.  ❞ ❝  could never be there for you everyday. but i’m happy to see you always. and today, i’m all yours.  ❞ ❝  what others think...your image...that’s all you care about.  ❞ ❝  in these foul times one must be wary, even of their friends.  ❞ ❝  come on, don’t get angry - it’s not good for you..  ❞ ❝  so, apart from the sword play, you know potions and all that?  ❞ ❝  i actually envy your sense of wonder --- common in children, and morons.  ❞ ❝  a lot of misfortune for a small village.  ❞ ❝  who are you? do you seek to hurt me as well?  ❞ ❝  the hand that feeds can also strike its wayward wards.  ❞ ❝  shh. eat now. we’ll speak once you’ve rested.  ❞ ❝  brother has turned against brother, the land is soaked in blood. evil reigns stronger than ever before.  ❞ ❝  good looking and clever. where’ve you been hiding?  ❞ ❝  doesn’t bother you, having monsters for neighbours?  ❞ ❝  stay here --- no matter what happens.  ❞ ❝  i never told you this, but i’ve always felt it: i love you.  ❞ ❝  listen to me this once -- don't take matters into your own hands.  ❞ ❝  love these moments. the air before a battle -- nothing smells as sweet.  ❞ ❝  they tried to get in through the main gate. i’m afraid they could succeed next time.  ❞ ❝  too many claim you’re evil.  ❞ ❝  why are you so eager to help strangers? sit your ass down or there’ll be misfortune.  ❞ ❝  you'd never have managed without me, would you? come, now, admit it.  ❞ ❝  for those who remain, death should never take precedence over life.  ❞ ❝  thanks for coming. thanks for risking your life for me.  ❞ ❝  don’t force me to speak of it. no more, please.  ❞ ❝  when doubt plagues your mind, follow your instincts. should they steer you wrong and land you in muck, you'll land at peace with yourself. and that's most important.  ❞ ❝   just know that i know you're here. one misstep, one error...you'll make a mistake, it's inevitable...i'll be the first to learn it.  ❞ ❝  i do not know you. i’ve done you no harm.  ❞ ❝  try not to panic...just doesn’t suit you.  ❞ ❝  we’ve come a long way, and i’ll be damned if we’ve come to fail.  ❞ ❝  had i known what would happen here, i'd never have come.  ❞ ❝  i can say i’ve seen it all now.  ❞ ❝  these scars have long yearned for your tender caress.  ❞ ❝  i don’t fall victim to curses. i cast them.  ❞ ❝  come outside. we can hold hands and stare at the sky.  ❞ ❝  we’ll work well together --- i can see that already.  ❞ ❝  from the first moment i set eyes upon you that fateful evening, my heart has only beaten for you.  ❞ ❝  i trust you as much as you trust me --- not at all.  ❞ ❝  you’ve gone all red in the face just for talking about it.  ❞ ❝  wake up. it’s just a dream. wake up!  ❞ ❝  i still don’t believe everything that happened.  ❞ ❝  i never miss twice.  ❞ ❝  bit too old to believe in bedtime stories, aren’t you?  ❞ ❝  you humans have...unusual tastes.  ❞ ❝  didn’t think it worthwhile to tell me, warn me of your plans?  ❞ ❝  i think you will not attack one unarmed.  ❞ ❝  the deeper i get into this, the more i gotta wonder...why’re you even helping me?  ❞ ❝  to live in peace, we first must kill.  ❞ ❝  at times fate muddles our path, and life turns toilsome, hard to bear.  ❞ ❝  i fight for whoever’s paying the best. or whoever’s easier to rob.  ❞ ❝  do not let my beauty distract your aim.  ❞ ❝  i’ve seen what is to come, i know destruction approaches.  ❞ ❝  the war awoke an ancient power. an evil one that feeds on bloodshed.  ❞ ❝  guess you’re no stranger to fury, either.  ❞ ❝  think i’m gonna fall for that? no chance, you’re wrong.  ❞ ❝  gotta admit --- you do pretty well with a sword.  ❞ ❝  you dare tell me to calm down?! you?!  ❞ ❝  let's say i go about my business, and when there's coin to be earned, i don't readily turn it down.  ❞ ❝  i wish to know the truth...be it sweet, be it painful, i wish to know.  ❞ ❝  men, the polite ones at least, would call me a monster.  ❞ ❝  even i grow ill at the sight of you.  ❞ ❝  i’m going on a walk. or is that not allowed either? because i could break my leg?  ❞ ❝  plan’s crazier than it is sane...but there’s an irrestistible charm to it.  ❞ ❝  unbelievable! you said something romantic! you!  ❞ ❝  we may not survive this. in fact, our chances are slim.  ❞ ❝  if anything should happen to you...  ❞ ❝  there’s not been a dark cloud yet that didn’t have a silver lining.  ❞ ❝  those are some fresh lookin’ scars you’ve got there.  ❞ ❝  no. no more about the battle. just hold me. and say something nice.  ❞ ❝  stay. this is the only home we’ve ever had.  ❞ ❝  you’re so charming when you try to be funny.  ❞ ❝  not proud of it...yet i considered all the options and found none better.  ❞ ❝  i look far different from when you last saw me.  ❞ ❝  i admire your optimism. wish i shared it.  ❞ ❝  and...try not to draw any attention to yourself.  ❞ ❝  nightmares haunt our nights and days. folk sleepwalk from their homes, never to return.  ❞ ❝  forgive me. it couldn’t be avoided. i truly am sorry.  ❞ ❝  well i’ve departed, escaped, been forced to flee so many times…yet i always returned. you ought to be used to it by now.  ❞ ❝  the human mind is as wild and unexplored a place as any land far beyond the sea.  ❞ ❝  you think you’ve won. you are wrong. i can’t die.  ❞ ❝  you’re something more. something more.  ❞ ❝  barely nicked me, i’ll be fine.  ❞ ❝  it’s just that i felt...stifled, in your shadow. i’d have suffocated had i stayed.  ❞ ❝  come, don’t just stand there. i want a hug.  ❞ ❝  it’s lovely here! i could stay forever.  ❞ ❝  do what you will, but leave me out of this.  ❞ ❝  we should end this discussion -- before i say something i'll regret.  ❞ ❝  you all right? you’re as pale as death.  ❞ ❝  let’s get back to the hut. i’ll protect you along the way.  ❞ ❝  not to keen on talking about it, are you?  ❞ ❝  it’s better to die than to live in the knowledge that you’ve done something that needs forgiveness.  ❞ ❝  i was afraid you were dead.  ❞ ❝  at times one must use reason, rather than blades.  ❞ ❝  need some peace. gotta prepare.  ❞ ❝  i suspected it might not be the best idea, but i was desperate, had no choice.  ❞ ❝  so tell me how it happened. step by step.  ❞ ❝  it was a bit of a lark, a jest. i meant to bring it all back, i swear.  ❞ ❝  if i wanted to kill you, you'd be long dead by now.  ❞ ❝  that is precisely one of the reasons why i abhor your world.    your senseless brutality.  ❞ ❝  i won’t let them take you, you know that?  ❞ ❝  magic...childish hocus-pocus. it’s just not interesting. what i find fascinating are true tales of true human lives.  ❞ ❝  save your praise for others. i couldn’t give a shit.  ❞ ❝  well, well, i am impressed. doubted you still had it in you, frankly.  ❞ ❝  i like you. don’t make me hurt you.  ❞ ❝  you know very little can hurt you being immortal, so you take wild risks, chase extreme sensations. there comes a point you’ve done it all, and all seems boring and monotonous.  ❞ ❝  with you i finally feel...harmony. a calm. feel like things are the way they're supposed to be.  ❞ ❝  i'm afraid the dishwater’s as good as it gets in this establishment.  ❞ ❝  sorry to take so long, but i had to deal with the guards.  ❞ ❝  i’d never miss a chance to spend a pleasant evening with you.  ❞ ❝  you know too much. yet one more reason why you must die.  ❞ ❝  or perhaps you seek to trick me.  ❞ ❝  if you acknowledge any gods...start praying, now.  ❞ ❝  it’s very simple. you either deceived me...or not.  ❞ ❝  i am known neither for my sense of humor nor for my patience.  ❞ ❝  naturally, it would be easier with your help, but...you irritate me.  ❞ ❝  love questions like that. am i holding up? what, my dick?  ❞ ❝  we never hunt in these woods. not even if it means the whole village starves.  ❞ ❝  we’re only ever the ones to know the truth about ourselves.  ❞ ❝  you’re insolent because you believe i cannot afford to hurt you. and you’re right.  ❞ ❝  i detest graveyards, especially wandering them alone.  ❞ ❝  you know too much. you impede me too often. and i find your arrogance an annoyance.  ❞ ❝  i know it’s wartime, but try not to be a hero, all right?  ❞ ❝  i don’t know that i’ll make for engaging company. in truth, i rarely talk to men.  ❞ ❝  you know...had a dream about you recently.  ❞ ❝  i thought i could at least count on you to treat me seriously.  ❞ ❝  don’t ask questions you know the answers to. it makes you look stupid.  ❞ ❝  you’re nosy. starting to piss me off, you know?  ❞ ❝  what did i do to deserve this? have i given you cause to doubt my intentions?  ❞ ❝  don’t fret about me. i always get by somehow, right?  ❞ ❝  i wanted to go with you --- that was my idea.  ❞ ❝  i shan’t stray a step from your side.  ❞ ❝  if that’s what it takes to save the world, it’s better to let that world die.  ❞ ❝  what’s that supposed to mean? that a threat?  ❞ ❝  i’m offering a great and true adventure, an experience like no other, the fate of only the chosen few.  ❞ ❝  that’s like choosing between pestilence and the plague.  ❞ ❝  what’s it matter? i only ever thought of you.  ❞ ❝  did you know you’ve gained twenty-seven new scars since we’ve last saw each other?  ❞ ❝  i need to know the details if you want me to get my hands dirty.  ❞ ❝  don’t know you. go away.  ❞ ❝  ever vigilant, even in your sleep. quite vampire-like, in fact.  ❞ ❝  gotten used to people treating me like a freak, an outcast.  ❞ ❝  we share a cause, then. just like the old days.  ❞ ❝  ever considered becoming a burglar? skill like that’d come in awful handy.  ❞ ❝  there’s never been a frown that couldn’t be turned upside down.  ❞ ❝  honesty's an attribute of the truly brave --- and thus the privilege of the very few.  ❞ ❝  you do not have a monopoly in altruism, my friend.  ❞ ❝  great love demands great sacrifices.  ❞ ❝  i believe it wise at times to share one’s secrets, unburden oneself to those one can trust.  ❞ ❝  it would be nice from time to time if you could sit back and enjoy life, instead of going around solving everyone’s problems.  ❞ ❝  we shall dance until the break of dawn!  ❞ ❝  a man could lose his head for a lass like you.  ❞ ❝  don’t have to come if you don’t want. wait here.  ❞ ❝  never seen this side of you.  ❞ ❝  i’m to kiss the ground you walk on, is that it? but you just did your duty.  ❞ ❝  the day you give me a smile...that moment, that’s what i’m waiting for.  ❞ ❝  i need a soul intelligent and clever, an individual who fears no dare. someone like you.  ❞ ❝  if i was you i’d catch some shut-eye, not go on flapping my tongue.  ❞ ❝  the plan is simple...which does not mean it will be easy to execute.  ❞ ❝  sometimes you really get on my nerves, you know.  ❞ ❝  you shall not turn on me, use what i say against me? you shall not tell anyone?  ❞ ❝  gave you a chance. should’ve taken it.  ❞ ❝  always better to do a bit more and even gain nothing by it,    than to do too little and face regret.  ❞ ❝  it’s lovely out here. the birds singing, the bees buzzing...blissful, really.  ❞ ❝  what a lovely dress. the color suits you exquisitely.  ❞ ❝  pretty fantastic tale. hard as hell to believe.  ❞ ❝  it’s time you discovered my romantic side.  ❞ ❝  you gotta understand the whole world doesn’t revolve around you.  ❞ ❝  can you not see i am out of my mind with worry?  ❞ ❝  every rose has its thorn, and there are no happy endings.  ❞ ❝  pretty quick to reject help. why is that?  ❞ ❝  don’t need to like each other. just gotta do our jobs.  ❞ ❝  frankly, if i can do something for you, i'll do it, willingly.  ❞ ❝  you were hired you kill me, were you not?  ❞ ❝  what’s it like, going toe to toe with a monster? knowing you’ve only two options --- to kill or be killed?  ❞ ❝  this place --- there’s evil here. death hangs in the air.  ❞ ❝  intellect counts as much as strength.  ❞ ❝  i run back inside, hasp the doors, and then i hear it --- someone whispering my name.  ❞ ❝  you know i like you. unlike the rest of this lot, you’ve got a good head on your shoulders.  ❞ ❝  if you love somebody, set them free.  ❞ ❝  if you hate me so deeply, why don’t you tell me to my face?  ❞ ❝  i’m afraid you’d not realize which way the wind was blowing if you pissed straight into it.  ❞ ❝  that was courageous. i'd never expect it from you.  ❞ ❝  i am not easily impressed, but i must admit you have succeeded, my dear.  ❞ ❝  kill me if you must. i’ve nothing to live for anyway.  ❞ ❝  aren’t you an extraordinary beauty.  ❞ ❝  never suspected you believed such things.  ❞ ❝  wait...you want to go with me? out of the question.  ❞ ❝  used to it. not the first time i’ve been hunted.  ❞ ❝  enough of this hesitation, this fretting, these feelings of guilt!  ❞ ❝  strange working with you. strange, but great.  ❞ ❝  give me a moment. i must don something more appropiate and concealing.  ❞ ❝  killing comes as naturally to me as blowing my nose.  ❞ ❝  ......   another tale of a life compromised and ultimately claimed by greed and ambition.  ❞ ❝  in the future, though, remember this --- i can look after myself  ❞ ❝  you'd really worry about me if i went on alone?  ❞ ❝  you have many merits. you merely hide them from the world very diligently.  ❞ ❝  is it true virtue always trumps villainy?  ❞ ❝  watch my movements. i’m spry as a cat and sly as a fox.  ❞ ❝  ah, if only this could last forever.  ❞ ❝  few i can rely on like i can on you. kinda hoping you think the same of me.  ❞ ❝  you are angry at the whole world. you feel inferior, feel pain, though you mask this with confidence, arrogance, even.  ❞ ❝  there exist worries for which there quite simply is no other medicine.  ❞ ❝  your bones look thin, your breathing’s wheezy. afraid one punch might kill you.  ❞ ❝  to love is to build a house of cards, or play a game of chess, but one word or ill-thought move and you must start it all afresh.  ❞ ❝  i’m doing what i ever wanted to do, being who i wanted to be. i believe that’s one definition of happiness.  ❞ ❝  you’ve not an ounce of refinement in you, have you?  ❞ ❝  pain rules the body, but fear is born in the heart.  ❞ ❝  either i get burned, or i’ll burn all else down. no other options.  ❞ ❝  should you decide your sword is the sole solution, i shall not stand in your way.  ❞ ❝  c’mon, come closer.  ❞ ❝  would you prefer i treated you like the lying manipulater you are?  ❞ ❝  i regret nothing. one lives but once.  ❞ ❝  i just hope this tale has a happy ending. for me, for you. for everyone.  ❞ ❝  just gonna go our seperate ways? no parting words?  ❞ ❝  you still stand to be quite useful to me.  ❞ ❝  i suppose you wanted to frighten me...alas, you didn’t in the least. after all, i’m a monster too, am i not?  ❞ ❝  i trust no one. learned that long ago.  ❞ ❝  it cannot be! you actually have a sense of humor.  ❞ ❝  didn’t ask for a lecture on probability. need a simple answer --- yes or no.  ❞ ❝  another word, and i shall spill even more blood. yours.  ❞ ❝  you feel resentment, i understand, but we shall work through all the unfortunate matters of the past.  ❞ ❝  stop playing dumb. i know everything...your plan.  ❞ ❝  honestly can’t see what all those dames see in you --- you’re a stick in the mud.  ❞ ❝  not showy, lovely location...perfect for romantic getaways.  ❞ ❝  i hope you’re not upset i came like this, without warning...  ❞ ❝  i’m still a long way from mastering anything. but i am trying.  ❞ ❝  now i know how you do it. just annoy your opponents to death.  ❞ ❝  word on the street is there’s a hefty bounty on your head.  ❞ ❝  for a few days now i’ve been having dizzy spells.  ❞ ❝  i’ve always had a way with ostensibly dangerous types.  ❞ ❝  wound doesn’t look good.    patch that up quick if i were you, before it starts festering.  ❞ ❝  always seemed to me you were a very complicated creature, by nature. not one to resort to such simple methods like drinking your worries away.  ❞ ❝  may i be honest? yes, i’m nervous. i really would prefer to just run off.  ❞ ❝  father always said a wise man learns from others’ mistakes, so here i am, learning from his.  ❞ ❝  ever since that horrid night...everything has changed.  ❞ ❝  what’s wrong? afraid? gut feeling queasy?  ❞ ❝  used to bother me, all your secrets...now i know if you have something to tell me, you’ll tell me.  ❞ ❝  i so don’t feel like going anywhere. sit here a while longer?  ❞ ❝  there’s something i’d like to know...how can you be so damned calm?  ❞ ❝  my knees quake like a carnival rattle.  ❞ ❝  honestly didn’t think this’d work. doubted anything would happen.  ❞

[whump-only]

intro -- golden (vamp whump)

Ok so I have a vampire whump addiction now..... (thanks @deluxewhump + @ashintheairlikesnow). NEW WIP NEW OCs eeeeee

tw: broken bones, reference to gore (removal of teeth), captivity, restraint, it/its as pronouns, physical abuse/manhandling, non-sexual nudity, manipulative/abusive relationship, referenced death / murder

----

“Come on. Just let me just show it to you.” Hyde phrased it as though it was a request, but he stood blocking the front door. Daring Pollen to refuse him.

“No. Find someone else. I’m leaving,” Pollen said, but they both knew that wouldn’t happen. Pollen really, really regretted agreeing to housesit, For a whole month? On Hyde’s turf? Idiot! But he didn’t think Hyde would spring this on him. 

Hyde stepped forward and took Pollen by the elbow. “I’ll protect you…” he said cheekily, pulling Pollen towards the basement door. 

“Fuck you.” Pollen planted his feet firmly. To think Pollen would agree to living with a vampire… 

“Fuck! I said just look at it. How is that hard?” Hyde snapped with that ferociousness he was capable of. It’s why he was a top tier vampire hunter, but it startled Pollen when it came out like that. 

But just like that, the flash of anger was smoothed away, and Hyde was soft, coaxing. “Listen… if you actually look at it and still think it’s dangerous, then I’ll kill it before I go? Okay?”

Pollen was baffled. Did Hyde really think this was reasonable? Knowing what vampires did to his life, to his family? “…You’re serious?”

Hyde grinned before leading the way. That smile of assured victory that everyone swooned over. That Pollen used to want to kiss. Pollen clenched his teeth. 

Hyde opened the door to the pitch black basement and already everything in Pollen wanted to say, Close the door, get the fuck out! Leave it down there! That’s what any sensible human would do. 

Hyde flicked on a pale yellow light and padded down the steps. Pollen stopped at the threshold of the door, his heartbeat hammering in his ears. Run. Run! Those last words of his mother echoed in his head, the memory of that night wrapping itself around his neck, like a snake. Run! 

Hyde looked up at him, raised his eyebrows mockingly. Scared?

Pollen reasoned that if the thing somehow got loose it could kill Hyde first and give Pollen time to run away. Or something. And so, he forced himself to step down, one creaky, labored step after another. The smell of rotting, horrible something hit him so hard it triggered a coughing fit. “Ugh, god. You never crack a window down here?” Pollen called. 

Hyde was already out of sight, somewhere down there. “No windows.”

Pollen’s eyes watered and he could barely see anything in the yellow glow of the overhead light. Hyde was near the far wall, and Pollen urgently scanned the bare room for the monster. With a shock he realized it must be the figure at Hyde’s feet, curled under a blanket. 

With the clink of chains, the thing suddenly shifted and let out a whimper and Pollen’s heart leapt into his throat. 

Hyde kneeled down next to it and Pollen braced himself for it to leap up and rip open Hyde’s face.

But instead Hyde lifted it clean off the floor and held it up. Its blanket fell away and it was naked, so thin that it looked like its every bone was visible through its grey skin, making it all the more inhuman. It looked like an eerily accurate mannequin, utterly plastic and lifeless, yet still detailed in its rendering. The chain that dropped down from its neck looked heavier than its body. The thing remained limp in Hyde’s arms, its head drooped down to its chest, its bound wrists hung loosely. Its mop of black hair covered the top half of its face and the bottom was obscured with a muzzle. Its legs dangled a full foot off the ground. There was no way it was full grown, Pollen realized. 

It did not paint an intimidating picture. But Pollen still flinched when it growled suddenly. 

Hyde didn’t seem to register the sound at all, even though he was holding it against his body. He switched to holding it up with one arm. “Look at its eyes.” With the other hand he moved its matted hair out of the way and pulled up one of its eyelids. The iris was a deep, almost golden, yellow. “Such a pretty color.” 

The vampire’s eye seemed to fix on Pollen, its pupil growing small in an instant. Pollen turned away, finding himself overwhelmed. Those eyes. Just like—

“Want to touch it?” Hyde said, almost reverently. 

“No,” Pollen said firmly. “Just stop.”

“Suit yourself.” Hyde dropped the vampire so suddenly that Pollen jerked in surprise as it hit the floor and cried out.  

Hyde stepped over the cowering creature and with a gleam in his eyes. “See? Didn’t I tell you?”

Pollen stepped back, momentarily forgetting the vampire, but nonetheless terrified. Hyde was alive now, glowing with excitement. At any moment his energy could be redirected by a swift turn of anger into a quick bone cracking punch or the instant unsheathing of his knife. In this basement, Hyde could get away with anything, Pollen thought. 

But Hyde was in good spirits, seemingly assured that his presentation had been thoroughly convincing. So he was now onto logistics, “The freezer upstairs is filled with cow blood. Give the vamp a block every day or so. That’ll keep it alive but it won’t get strong enough to give you trouble. You can always lower the portion if it’s getting too energetic.”

Pollen’s head was still spinning from the slow realization of what he’d gotten backed into doing. “And what, take off its muzzle? What if it bites me?”

Hyde grinned with chaotic glee. “I took out its fangs! And the rest of the front ones too.”

Pollen unconsciously raised his hand to cover his mouth. 

Hyde continued. “Still gotta be wary of the things growing back of course. You can use the pitchfork to pin it down, but trust me, it doesn’t move around much anyway. It’s pretty easy.”

Pollen tried to relax his clenched mouth. “Right. Cow blood. Got it.”

Hyde tapped his chin. “Other than that, I just dump a bucket of water or two every few days, to wash down the piss an everything to the drain there.”

Literally mopping shit. Unbelievable that Hyde would take him for granted like this, Pollen sulked. “I hate you. You’re a bad friend.”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry,” Hyde said tenderly. He reached for Pollen’s hand and teasingly wrapped his index finger around Pollen’s pinkie. With the other hand he gave Pollen’s butt a little squeeze. “I’ll make it up to you.”

Ridiculous. Did Hyde think he was so good that sex would make up for this?, Pollen wondered. Pollen wasn’t that desperate. 

And now Pollen was insulted. “Hey. I never say I’d do it. Chained up or not, toothless or whatever, I’m not going to be able to sleep knowing there’s a vampire under me. That’s a risk you’re willing to live with. But not me. What if it gets away and comes upstairs to kill me?”

Hyde sighed. “You really think that thing is any threat to you? Be serious.” 

“Yes!” Pollen insisted. 

Hyde’s eyes narrowed and he smirked coldly. “So sad. But I get it. Can’t be too careful with vamps. They killed your folks right?”

Pollen already knew Hyde wasn’t just giving up. But Pollen didn’t know how to stop him. How to not walk into the trap. So Pollen yielded, “Yes. And my siblings. I had two sisters.”

“That’s too bad...” Hyde turned to the vampire that had somehow managed to silently twist most of itself back under the blanket. “Hey, Goldie. Mr. Pollen doesn’t trust you…”

Hyde walked purposefully toward a metal baseball bat that Pollen hadn’t noticed before. Pollen didn’t think he imagined the dark staining on it. 

Hyde glanced over, trying to catch Pollen’s gaze. “…What can we do about that?”

Pollen felt very cold in his stomach, remembering Hyde’s promise to kill it if Pollen thought it was dangerous. “Hey, come on Hyde. Hyde! Don’t do that,” Pollen said, but he wasn’t sure. The vampire couldn’t be released back to the outside to terrorize people, they both knew that. 

The vampire too, must’ve sensed the lurch toward danger, because it broke out of its stupor. As Hyde loomed over it, it struggled and whined, tried to scrabble against the concrete, pull itself away. But Hyde firmly stepped down on a part of it, pinning it.

“Stop! No!” Pollen shouted, but Hyde raised the tool above his head—

Pollen turned away and covered his ears to block the piercing cry of the creature. With every new breath it screamed into its muzzle and seemed to choke on its own voice before screaming again.  Pollen panted in horror, unable to look up. 

“One broken leg,” Hyde reported, loudly, over the thing’s cries. “Or if we’re really being more exact, it’s probably shattered from the knee down. Still think vampy can get away?”

Pollen shook his head. “Hyde. I can’t…”

“What do you think, Goldie? Can you still crawl up the stairs and kill Mr. Pollen?” Hyde addressed it with a tone that approached tenderness. But he still held that bat, weighing it in his hand. Pollen realized Hyde never intended to kill it. 

Pollen wished he could jump up and snatch away the bat. But his body wouldn’t move. “Hyde. Hyde, please stop. Just stop.”

Hyde looked right at Pollen with dark eyes as he raised the bat again. “Sorry, Goldie. One leg to go.” 

Pollen finally unfroze and raced up the stairs two at a time, tripped once, bashing his chin into a stair, but it didn’t slow him down until he was back in the kitchen. He felt dizzy so he sank to the floor and clapped his hands over his ears as the creature wailed. 

The stairs creaked as Hyde climbed them. He softly closed the basement door, muting the sounds of pain. 

The ringing finally subsided in Pollen’s head. “Why the fuck did you do that?” Pollen demanded. 

“You know I’m the last person on earth who’d underestimate a vampire. I wouldn’t leave you in a situation where you could get hurt,” Hyde said sweetly. 

You knew it’d make me guilty, Pollen thought. To get back at me for resisting you, right? But Pollen said nothing, and took the hand Hyde offered. 

Hyde pulled Pollen to his feet. “I know it’s scary. Especially for you. But you can do this.”

Pollen rested his head on Hyde’s shoulder, pretending that this Hyde, the soft one, couldn’t switch back if he was hugging Pollen. The broken moans of the thing could still be heard through the door. This whole exercise seemed so cruel now, so unnecessary. Pollen mumbled into Hyde’s shirt. “Why can’t you just kill it?”

Hyde wrapped his arms around Pollen. “This is a rare opportunity. I’ll take it around to fairs and things, earn a little cash showing people something they’ve never seen before. It’ll be something to do between my hunting trips. Maybe I can even travel less, if the money’s good… I’m not getting younger, you know?”

The creature’s pitiful sobs echoed in Pollen’s skull. Pollen gripped Hyde’s shirt tighter. “Mhm.” 

Hyde approvingly pecked a kiss onto Pollen’s forehead. “Thank you.”

Pollen cursed the fluttery feeling it gave him. He broke out of the hug. “You’re welcome, asshole.”

Hyde began to shuttle around the house, scanning for things he might’ve forgotten to pack. The vampire had gone quiet. 

Finally Hyde stood at the door, ready to leave. 

Pollen joined him to see him off. “Have a nice trip. Kills lots of vampires for me.”

“That I will.” Hyde gave a salut and marched off. 

Pollen closed the door and slumped down to the floor. “Fuck!”

[chaseatinydream]

pirate king (18) || atz

You and Wooyoung are sitting in the rigging, staring out to sea.

The Treasure has left Tortuga for a few days now, sailing in the open sea for the town of Nassau. From what Wooyoung has told you, Nassau, Seonghwa’s hometown, used to be a port thriving with pirate activity… until one day, the Royal Navy decided retake the town from the pirates. Pirate ships were burnt to the ground, the crews hung at the gallows and anyone associated with them brought in for questioning.

It is during that purge that Seonghwa’s parents were killed.

Seonghwa has finally left the confines of the galley, escorted to the sickbay to sleep and rest. Yunho is keeping a vigil beside Seonghwa, while you’ve taken over his cooking duties and Yunho’s lookout role. You may not be as well suited to the job as the two of them are, but it’s the most you can do for being to blame for Seonghwa’s condition.

If only you had known what to do.

You shake your head, squeezing your eyes shut.

If only you hadn’t let the herbs be stolen.

You know it’s stupid, but the thoughts won’t stop echoing in your head.

If only you hadn’t gone out to celebrate your name.

You chew your lips.

If only you hadn’t come to this ship.

Guilt tears at you from the inside like the teeth of a piranha. The pain is all too acute, all to real.

“Hey.”

You’re jerked back from your thoughts by Wooyoung, who’s grinning at you. Somehow, the head gunner has pushed past the air of gloom surrounding the ship, managing to keep a broad smile on his face despite the weight on everyone’s shoulders. How he’s doing it, you don’t know, but part of you resents how easily he can seem to forget that Seonghwa is still in the sickbay, struggling to block out the voices of his dead family from his ears while all of you are absolutely powerless to help.

Even now, Seonghwa’s still refusing the sleeping incense, but Yeosang has given given him back the steak plushie, which he hugs to sleep every night. Jongho helps by singing his hyung to sleep. San mixes relaxing teas for him. Captain and Mingi studying the overlay of Nassau, trying to find the most inconspicuous way they can enter the town without garnering the attention of the authorities.

It’s only you and Wooyoung who can do nothing. And the guilt you feel is swallowing you whole.

Wooyoung suddenly leans forward, shackles clanging as he uses his fingers to turn your mouth up in smile. “I’m sure captain and Mingi will think of something. We’ll help Seonghwa-hyung and everything will be fine soon. Don’t be sad.”

Anger rushes forth.

“Don’t be sad?” You snap, smacking his hand away. Wooyoung looks visibly wounded, pain flashing across his face as his hand falls to his side, but you’re too caught up in your fury to notice. “Seonghwa-hyung is in this state and you have the gall to smile and act happy?”

Something in Wooyoung’s normally bright viridescent eyes darkens suddenly as he silently watches you rant.

“I hate how you’re still so happy go lucky! It’s like you don’t understand what it’s like to lose someone even though you’ve had family like Jongho-hyung and Yunho-hyung!” You continue raving, not seeing the way Wooyoung’s fingers clench so tight around the ropes his knuckles turn bloodless. “ I’m the only one who has no family, alright? I’m not like all of you, I don’t know what it’s like, but you’ve had family before, so shouldn’t you try to be more understanding?”

Silence falls between the two of you as you finish. Then you realise that you’ve just literally just thrown everything, your hurt, your pain, your guilt onto Wooyoung, who must be suffering too somewhere deep down inside. To your horror, his head hangs low so that you can’t see his expression, but from the way his shoulders are curled in on themselves, you must have wounded him deeply. Regret and guilt fills you.

You can’t seem to do anything right.

“Wooyoung-hyung, I’m sorry-”

“What else am I supposed to do, then?” Wooyoung breathes, turning to meet your eyes head on. You desperately want to look away, but his gaze is unbreakable as steel. There’s something utterly frigid about them, almost terrifying, like a dragon rearing its head. “Cry? Complain? Feel pity for myself? Curl up in a ball and hide until all the problems disappear?”

That’s exactly what you want to do right now under the weight of his of his intense stare, pinning you down.

“Hyung, I didn’t mean it-”

“You did.” Wooyoung cuts you off fiercely, his green eyes burning. “You meant every word of it and I don’t blame you. But I want you to know that I don’t intend on moping around because that’s not going to help anything. So get those stupid thoughts about it being your fault out of your head because none of them are true and smile because you need to believe things can get better.”

The resolve in his voice is unshakable, and you curl in on yourself to avoid Wooyoung’s stare, shame burning on your cheeks. All this while, you’ve only been thinking about yourself and your guilt, forgetting that you also affect the members of the crew and that moping around hasn’t helped at all.

“I’m sorry.” You whisper quietly under your breath, but Wooyoung hears you anyway and his smile returns once more.

“I forgive you.” He beams at you gently, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. Your head rests against his shoulder, seeking comfort. “I understand.”

You wipe the tears from your eyes as you swallow down your emotions. Right. Smile. Be positive. Staying negative isn’t going to help anything.

Then Wooyoung frowns as he looks down onto the main deck. “Yeosang is coming over. I wonder what he needs.”

“Wooyoungie! Is Chin Hae up there with you?” The navigator stops in front of the main mast, hand shielding his eyes from the sun as he looks up. Wooyoung nods. “Yeah! Do you need him?”

“Can you tell him to come down? I have something to discuss with him.”

You frown, a little confused as Wooyoung glances at you in surprise. Then he leans forward to pinch your cheeks into a smile again, mirroring his own. “Go on. Don’t forget to smile.”

You manage a real smile for the first time in days.

“Thanks, Wooyoung-hyung.” You say as you climb over the side of the crow’s nest, making your way down and dropping lightly to the main deck. Yunho would be so proud if he saw you doing that. “What do you need, Yeosang-hyung?”

“San spoke to me earlier about your encounter with a fortune teller.” Yeosang explains to you as the two of you make your way across the main deck. Your eyes widen as you realise what he’s talking about. “Since Hongjoong-hyung is steering and Mingi is sleeping in the main hold, the captain’s quarters are empty and I thought that I could take this time to research on what the fortune teller said with you.”

Your heart leaps into your chest with ecstasy at what this could mean, but then you pause a little.

“Should we be doing this now? With everything that’s going on?”

Yeosang stops in the middle of pushing open the door to the captain’s cabin to look at you seriously. You’ve never realised how big and clear his eyes are, completely genuine and free of any trace of ill will. “It’s not like we can do anything now. What we can do is keep our spirits up and be strong for Seonghwa-hyung until we reach Nassau. And you’ve been looking down lately, so I thought I could try to cheer you up by clearing some of your questions.”

Warmth blooms in you at his thoughtfulness. “Thank you, Yeosang-hyung.”

The navigator smiles happily at you, almost radiant. “No problem. It’s my honour you’d trust me with such an important piece of information.” He opens the door and ushers you in.

You’ve never been in the captain’s cabin without the captain being present, so the room is unnaturally quiet and still. Yeosang, however, seems to know the room like it’s the back of his own hand, moving towards one of the shelves at the far end of the room while you hover awkwardly at the door.

“Please sit.” He indicates to the bed as he pulls out a scrap of parchment. You recognise it as the one Seonghwa had written your prophecy on the other time when you were discussing your visit to the fortune teller. Yeosang brings the paper over to you.

“So, what part haven’t you figured out?” He asks seriously, as he reaches in his pocket for a small wooden case, producing a pair of thin, gold rimmed eyeglasses and placing them on his nose delicately. You look over the words.

“The sea witch and the jar of clay.” You answer honestly.

Yeosang nods and moves over to his array of books. The walls are covered in them, from texts to maps to travel rutters to books of varying languages. There are even some tied up in stacks and placed neatly on the floor, all of them well kept and not a speck of dust on them.

He pulls out a few books, putting them in his arms as he mumbles to himself, eyes flitting among the shelves. Then he returns to you, setting the books on the table with a huff. “Let me look through these for a moment.”

You study him intently as he flips through the books faster than you can blink, fingers flying along the pages. The title on some of the books read ‘Legends of the Sea’, ‘Mythical Folk’ and such.

“The sea witch is a powerful entity who was once human with a bond to both the land and sea. She holds immense power, drawing upon the sea to cast spells. In return for a high price, she grants both magical and non magical folk alike what they desire.” Yeosang reads aloud, meticulously focusing on every detail. “Only people in great desperation can find the sea witch, as her lair lies hidden in a magical realm of the sea in which mortals cannot find. The entrance is rumoured to be off the coast of several uninhabited islands in the Atlantic, guarded by the sirens and fierce tidal straits rip through the waters, smashing any ship that dares pass through.”

“That’s… good to know.” You swallow uncomfortably. The only one who probably knows exactly who you are, and she’s probably out of reach. You’re unwilling to put the crew in danger because of your own problems.

“Those who have made a deal with the sea witch tend to have a token on which the deal was sealed.” Yeosang continues, glancing at the necklace hanging from your neck. “The price is often exorbitantly high, and is rarely something of material worth. It often is something of immense value to the person making the deal.”

Your memories.

You had given up your memories.

“In popular folk stories, she was responsible for taking the voice of a mermaid who’d fallen in love with a prince of the land in return for her legs. She also gives out pieces of ropes with three knots. Pulling the first knot could yield a gentle, southeasterly wind, while pulling two could generate a strong northerly wind, but the third knot would unleash a hurricane.” Yeosang looks slightly interested. “Hongjoong-hyung has one of these, but he’s used the first knot already.”

“Really?” You gape. This sea witch can’t be mere legend now.

The navigator nods as he picks up another book. “We were being chased by the Royal Navy, but he used the wind to blow the ships away. That’s when hyung really started to believe in myths a little.”

He opens a book called ‘Symbolism Through Ages’. “Jars of clay, jars of clay… Jars of clay refer to humans. In many books such as the Holy Bible, humans were described to be jars of clay, having mortal bodies while holding precious souls of great value in them.”

A jewel resting in a jar of clay.

Yeosang’s eyebrows pinch together as he continues reading. “This is a interesting explanation, but not rather helpful as it’s quite metaphorical. You said that the fortune teller asked you who’d made you?”

“Yeah…” You shiver a little at the words. “Then she told me the sea witch was my mistress.”

Yeosang frowns thoughtfully, and you can literally hear the gears in his mind turning. He picks up another book, flipping through it absentmindedly as he glances through it. “Made… Clay… Vessel… Humans… Sea Witch… Bargain...”

Then he stops.

All at once, his eyes fly wide open, pupils dilating in realization, mouth going slack, face ashen. The expression on his face can only be described in pure, unadulterated shock, and he stops breathing for a second as if air has trapped itself in his lungs.

Your heart skips a beat in excitement.

“Did you find something?” You begin to ask excitedly, but Yeosang barely seems to hear you, staring in horror at the page, then at you.

Unease begins to crawl up your skin, but you force it to the side and ask. “Yeosang-hyung… what is it?”

That seems to snap Yeosang out of his daze and he desperately tries to smooth his face in a neutral expression, but he can’t quite hide the terror in his eyes. “It’s nothing. I just thought of something, but it’s no big deal.”

The way his voice is trembling tells you it is anything but.

Your eyes narrow in suspicion and barely restrained anger. “Yeosang-hyung, what are you hiding from me?”

“It’s nothing.” The navigator insists, slamming the book shut. You get a mere glimpse of the cover. Prome-, but then Yeosang’s hand slides over the title and you can’t see it any longer. “It’s nothing at all, so just let it go, please.”

Usually, you’d let anything he says go, but this is different.

“Then let me see it.” You hold your hand out to take the book, but Yeosang wrenches it from your grasp before you can even hold it, eyes flaring in panic.

“Don’t touch it!” Yeosang shouts furiously, clutching the book to his chest. Rage fills you, what may be an answer to your identity is right there, but Yeosang won’t give it to you. You storm over to him, ready to rip the book from his hands if you need to.

“What are you doing?” You snarl at him, almost animalistic as you reach to tear your only clue from him, but Yeosang shakes his head, arms folding around the book.

“You can’t see it!” He screams at you, tears streaming down his cheeks and you feel red hot anger thrumming in your veins, purring to life like an awakening monster. Icy calm washes over you, in complete contrast to the fury burning in your heart. How dare he cry as if he’s the one losing anything from this?

Yeosang must see the shift in your eyes as your expression settles into one of dark determination, because his knees start knocking uncontrollably and his eyes dilate with pure, undiluted and primal fear.

“Give the book to me, Yeosang.”

In this moment, Yeosang makes a decision.

His fingers fumble with the latch behind him. Before you can realise what he’s doing, he’s opened the pothole, turned away from you and tossed the book into the ocean.

You feel like your last hope has been crushed into shards and scattered to the wind. Broken fury and grief screams within you like two clashing hurricanes, tearing you apart and ripping through you. Your eyes land on Yeosang, who looks stunned by what he’s just done.

You finally manage to find words in your rage to convey to him what exactly you’re feeling now.

“I hate you.” You spit with every bit of loathing you can muster, and with that, you whirl around and dash out of the cabin, the door slamming shut behind you.

Yeosang doesn’t say anything. Instead, he merely slides to the ground on his knees, body curled into a ball, wishing he could beg for your forgiveness.

And his fist pressed against his mouth to stifle the sobs pouring from his chest.